Stories

February 06, 2009

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Daisey wrote:

A middle aged woman is on the menopause, and her hormones all over the place. Having sex with her husband was the last thing on her mind, and felt like a marital duty. Then a friend gave her a magazine for womwn based on soft porn,and it pushed a few buttons. Since then she has looked at soft porn to get her in the mood. the fact that the couple are now making love more often has strengthened the relationship, bought them closer together. So it`s 50/50 Her marriage is being restored,but she is letting God down. I don`t know how to advise her, so help.

 

Jeff wrote:

I would like to make this plea to the churches and pastors of America. I have been into pornography since my youth. I gave my heart to Jesus in 1980, and the reality is that I continued to struggle with pornography for twenty-eight miserable years and through two broken marriages, because I didn't know where to turn, out of fear of being ostracized from the church. I tried but couldn't do it on my own. The statistics say that 50% of Christian marriages end in divorce. The statistics also say that 50% of Christian men (including pastors) and 20% of Christian women struggle with pornography. Do you not see the correlation. It's not easy to deal with such a touchy subject, but the churches deafening silence on the subject has caused sexual addiction and divorce to reach epidemic proportion in the church. Pastors are the shepherds that are to protect their flock from the wolves. The latest wolf at the door is pornography, when are you going to do what your pastoral calling demands that you do. Now there are excellent materials out there for you, the weapons you need to combat the problem. Over one third of your congregation is under attack, you can't wait any longer. Just do it! James 4:17 Therefore to him that knoweth to do goood, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.

 

Greg wrote:

There are certain things I always find tempting but ironically dumb... That little button that says "Are you 18?" It does no good when that is all that walls an innocent child off from a whole lot of trouble.... As a boy I listened to the Dobson tapes on puberty, as he said "pooberty", and thought they listed temptations of masturbation/porn/adultery etc etc... Some of it means nothing to somebody who doesn't have a clue. It was like understanding having cancer when you were never sick a day in your life. I loved life as a kid, it was more untainted fun than I will ever have alive on this earth, but it ended. I ended up finding little bits of things I didn't understand, but it was exciting, and ADDICTING! At first finding slightly dirty things and not getting caught was the fun... Then I grew older and the looking became the addicting fun.... I didn't realize that I was weaving myself a trap that would put me six feet under. When I finally realized what I had gotten into, I had lost my parents trust twice, learned how to cover my tracks TOO WELL, and was caught up. I would walk around all day with happy thoughts of freedom that ended up in shameful nights staring at my ceiling after another couple hours of binging that seemed like five minutes. God was just about the only peace I found... I have heard many stats and that porn will ruin a marriage. I have been single all my life, though I am only in my twenties, and as painful as it can be, I want this addiction to be fought off before it can ruin the trust of my future wife, so I never have to see the heart wrenching look in another one's eyes when they find my hidden wants and needs on cyberspace.. It is a difficult world with the web, and even more difficult when you can go almost unscathed by your loved ones' eyes. I will fight this battle for you all that read this as well as the honor and purity of the woman I hope to meet some day. God is my strength, now I just have to ask for it that split second before I dive in again.... Will I ever escape this fully? Who knows, but I will not let it define me!!!!!!!!!! God Bless!

 

Adam wrote:

I am Christ Follower and a porn addict. I am married, and I love my wife. Porn is a temptation in my life. It is not a failing of my wife. It is a pattern of sin my body learned before I found a new life in Christ. When my walk with Jesus is strong, fleeing from temptation is easy. When I walk away from Jesus's side, down life's dark alleys, I cannot fight the call that porn has on me. I am not strong enough. It consumes me. I don't want to stop. Then comes guilt and shame and loss of fellowship with God, which is unbearable. I am blessed that my valleys are shallow. I don't ever seem to walk too far away that I cannot run back to Christ when I find myself in the gutter. I live the song "Undo" by Rush of Fools. To label me a prodigal or hypocrite would not scratch the surface of what's inside of me. I am going through a Bible Study group that is challenging us to be true Christ followers, giving our lives in total surrender to Christ. It has been exactly what I need. I am ready to find freedom in Christ. I read the Bible each day expecting to receive a message from God. I pray immediately in response to my reading, answering God in relationship. I start my day expecting the events of the day to continue the conversation. I only had the radio on for 5 minutes the other day. Just long enough to hear Rush of Fools talk about Freedom Begins Here. I know God was talking to me. Directly. I am a leader in my church. We are starting a mentorship program, and I was chosen to be one of the first to be mentored by our church leaders. I am praying that I can finally find an accountability partner that I can feel safe confessing my sin to. Our church has a "Celebrate Recovery" ministry that I am a worship leader for. I have never been able to admit my sin there. Doesn't that say something? Not only is church not a safe place to find healing, but not even in a recovery ministry at church... I don't feel safe letting anyone know that I struggle in this way lest I be cast out as garbage, unfit for service or any good use. It has prevented me from getting the help I need. I have learned a thing or two about recovery along the way. Every addict needs to commit to being clean and sober, beginning today. We all know what it means for an alcoholic to be sober -- they stop drinking. Even one drop is one drop too many. A drug addict stops using drugs. The only way a porn addict can escape sexual images in our culture would be to poke his or her eyes out! Instead, the definition of sobriety for sexual addicts is "no sexual act outside of a marriage relationship." You can see things... you will see things, but the only release is in marriage. So it is better not to see. It only leads to frustration. Accountability to sobriety is a key to recovery. It is a hard path to walk alone. Anyone who says they want to change but hasn't gotten rid of books, magazines, movies is still in denial. The first step to recovery is admitting that you are an addict. Often it takes hitting rock bottom before an addict will admit their sin and look for help. A spouse may have to show tough love to help their spouse. But they need to help their spouse find the right help and resources, and remember that we all are sinners in need of God's grace. Addicts are great at hiding their tracks. But honestly, I welcome support and help and openness with my wife. I can tell her what are my triggers --when I am tempted, what things tempt me. I can tell her how I hide my tracks, what I do so no one will know, how to tell when I am slipping, though I think she can tell now. I love my wife. I don't want to bring this up with her on my own because it is so hard to convince her this is my problem, not a problem with her. I am just not strong enough to fight temptation without a disciplined life. Most days are fine, but then in a weak moment I fail. Her help is the best help, but there are times she doesn't realize how much a magazine cover or even a sales paper left out can cause me to slip. I am hoping to find a safe accountability partner. I can't even imagine finding a safe accountability group. For now, my best accountability is first to God and second to my wife and third to my children. But more help would be a blessing.

 

 

Eric wrote:

I was one who struggled with pornography for about 15 years, and 7 of those years were after I was married. It came to the point where my wife told me that she was finished with me because she did not want to see any of our three boys get caught up in the same thing. I made the decision to seek out our pastor and get help. Through prayer and support I have turned my life around. It has been about a year and a half now. My wife and I have been a sponsor for our youth group and a lot of the boys have come to me seeking help from this same problem. During my prayer time God has placed it on my heart to start an outreach for men and teens in our church and local town. I went to my pastor to get the ok and he hands my a packet with the freedom begins here dvd and devotional journal, and said lets get it going!!! I have also talked with my wife about doing the same program but for women and girls in our church.

 

Mike Waggoner wrote:

I am a 44 yr.old man who has struggled with pornography most of my life. I was 5 yrs. old when a neighbor kid smuggled one of his dad's Playboys out to the "fort". I can still see the first image as though it was yesterday. As strange as it may sound, I was addicted at first sight at the age of 5. It continued to get worse as I got older. By the time I was 20, I viewed pornography as often as possible, and in my later 20's and early 30's the internet made it easy and cheap. My wife has always known of the problem but always believed my lies that I was through with it. Why wouldn't she believe her "loving, deeply spiritual, Bible teaching husband"? Three months ago our business partner discovered on the company computer, pornography. I have since been dismissed from a job that I loved. Thankfully, my wife has stood by me and helped me find the help I needed. I have found a 12 step group and I have been sexually sober from my porn addiction for 3 months now. I must tell anyone reading this...Jesus is the answer along with friends who understand the addiction. Look for the help, because it's there.

 

Kelly wrote:

I know I need help. My sexual sin, and the resulting feelings of guilt, have distanced me from God. Being a woman, I have found no support from believers because "women don't look at porn". As if my sin takes away from my femininity and my worth as a follower of Christ! The two women from whom I had the courage to seek accountability rejected me at the point that I admitted to masturbation, not even pornography. I wish I could talk to my pastor or the elders in my church, but they are men and speaking about sexual issues to them would most likely be discouraged. As a woman addicted to porn, there is no support for me in my church. Where do I find help?