Stories

Saved wrote:

I grew up attending church with my family. I went to sunday school and I would be in Christmas play each year, but when I reached Grade 7 I found myself falling away from God and his views. They'd started teaching sex ed in class and I was curious. Near the end of the school year a lot of the guys in my class had started talking about pornography and other sexually immoral things. (By the way, I'm a girl) That summer I started searching about sex and pornography on the internet. The thing is I didn't know it was wrong, but really if it's something you're not willing to share with your family then how could it be right? I struggled for the next few months with that idea. By December I was trying to commit to going to church, but our pastor had moved to an other church and I wasn't enjoying going anymore. I went to sunday school and met the new Youth Group leader. I started going to youth group to try and quit my problem but it wasn't that simple. My little brother's friend invited us later that year to their church for an Easter play. It was amazing! Everyone at that church was so passionate about Christ and I even new some of the other people who attended that church. From that point on I started going to that church with my family. I got up the courage to tell my mother about what I'd been struggling with, we cried and she held me. It got a little easier, but I was still sneaking into my bedroom every now and then. I felt awful after everytime. I was lucky enough to have made SO many more friends at my new church than the one I had gone to before. I met one boy - who is now like my big brother - who is so passionate about christ and who's really changed my life. I'm good friend's with the pastor's son, the only other person apart from my mother whom I've told this complete story to. Now I'm sharing it with any of you who really need to hear this. I am free of pornography now, though sometimes I do still have trouble with lust. I know that God is always going to be there for me when I fall and that he truly loves me. Christ died so that I could live and tell others of his love. Read the Bible; stay occupied - don't let yourself have a minute to ponder about sneaking away to look at a magazine or masturbate; listen to inspirational music. I hope my testimonies help someone out there.

 

Anonymous wrote:

Good evening. I?m here to share with you how embracing God?s love and hope is helping to transform my life. MY LIFE BEFORE: Even though I knew Jesus when I was a youngster, my life didn?t always show it. Before starting counseling, my life was reckless, out of control, misguided and going nowhere. I was into drugs, drinking, and pretty much just an ungodly lifestyle ? anything to numb myself so I couldn?t feel the pain. I recently had a very serious wake-up call. Without going into details, I?m facing criminal charges and my wife asked me to move out. I miss my wife and children terribly. I was telling myself lies that I couldn?t do anything to change my life. I told myself I couldn?t make my life move in a different direction. In hind sight, I was running from being molested as a child by an uncle (and by the way, this was also the start of my addiction to porn ? the tool he used to seduce his victims). I continued to run and keep the secret for more than 30 years, but God was there waiting for me when I hit a wall, stopped running and came back to Him. MY LIFE DURING: When I finally reached out for help, I found New Hope?s ministry. Counseling is helping me in many ways - talking with someone and reading what my counselor suggested. My reading list: #1 was the Bible and then other titles related to my issues. I?m learning that I am not alone or the only one with these issues. The books are helping me understand what I?m going through and helping me heal from the scars of my abuse. I?m learning the depth of the affect the abuse has on my mind. In counseling, we figured out that music is the connection to my soul - how I connect with my feelings. I learned my old music was helping to reinforce the lies I was telling myself. It was negative, the exact opposite of uplifting, and it kept me down in my pit of despair. My moment of enlightenment came one day when I was scanning through radio stations and came across 91.9 Word FM. I had an overwhelming feeling of ?this is it?. Every hair stood on end and I just wept. I wiped the music slate clean and threw away all that music, literally, because I erased my iPod clean that day. My new music helps me realize that God DOES still love me and I CAN change my life. By being more positive and not always looking at the negative points of my life. I could do it one day at a time, one step at a time, with God?s help. As my new music collection grows, I noticed songs I had in my old collection. I think He was knocking, trying to get my attention. I even found a Bible to load on my iPod. My childhood and self-understanding were stolen from me, but I am healing from the effects of the loss. I AM a survivor! I truly believe in my heart that I wouldn?t be up here sharing my story if not for the Christian counseling and the support I am getting from my parents and sister. THANK YOU for being good Christian role models for me ? not judging me, just loving me and helping me. I am grateful for everyone who is so supportive. MY LIFE AFTER: I?m still counseling and don?t know how long it will continue. Only God knows when that will be. But I know I will do my part, keep trying and move on to a better life in Jesus. I still have legal issues to deal with as a result of my actions, and I still hope God?s plan leads me back to my family. I know with God?s help, I will make it through no matter what the outcome. MY MESSAGE TO YOU & OTHERS: You or someone you know may be running from something that happened in their past, or something happening now ? doing anything to avoid dealing with the issue. Don?t be afraid to talk to someone, to reach out. Don?t believe the threats ? talk to someone you trust. It?s not your fault and there is hope and a way out. Just because you were abused, doesn?t mean you will become an abuser. There?s no reason to hate yourself. I can?t bring my abuser to justice, but I hope I can help someone else. Getting help NOW can break the cycle ? and may mean one less victim. One less victim of the lies you tell yourself to try and protect yourself from people you thought you could trust. It?s never too late to set your life on the right course. That course is the one that leads to Jesus; He can help you understand that you?re not the person you think you are. He will always love you. VERSE

 

Anonymous wrote:

I had always seemed like the good kid. Tried to be the christian and all. Then I started secretly watching porn, which started my problem. It would go dorment for a while but then the desire would come back and being weak in faith, I would give in. It got really bad about two years ago, I bought some magazines and would look at them thinking it was fine, feeling the whole time that I was slipping further away from God. Then, I finally got tired, I mean really tired of it and honestly prayed that God would help me put it down. He answered my prayer and showed me the way out which was studying His word. Helps keep my mind clear and time occupied. I still have temptation in my life but I know the way out of the wilderness. I thank God for His faithfulness and His unconditional love. I pray that He would forgive me of my thoughts each and everyday. Please be in prayer for me that I will grow in the faith and not give in to the devil's many temptations.

 

 

Anonymous wrote:

I had the same addiction and could not stop on my own.I prayed about it several times and still could not stop.The Lord brought me through it. I believe that if you continue to ask God to help you and you believe that He can,He will deliever you. I think He just wanted to see it I was really sincere about wanting to be delivered. It was truly bondage before He delivered me because I had no control over my desire to want to view porn. The devil wants us in any type of bondage or "sin slavery",( that's how I felt,as if I was a slave to my addiction). That's why porn is everywhere, the devil has made it easily accessable. Don't give up on God. If you don't give up on Him, He certainly won't give up on you. Further more, don't give up on yourself. What I found out also was that the closer I got to the Lord, the more I was able to not only stop viewing porn but I was able to stop lusting when I saw certain women. The two go hand in hand. These sins just naturally went away. When God took over,it was if I did not have to "work" to stop lusting and viewing porn. Once you overcome it,( and you will) the devil is going to keep trying to return you to those habits. He never gives up. The more you attempt to overcome these sins on your own, the harder it will be to do so. Let God do it.Get closer to Him. As you do, you will find that He really is able to deliver you. Read your Bible and talk to God. The prayer dosen't even have to be about the porn addcition. Just talk to Him about anything. It will bring you closer. Because the Lord knows everything past and future, He knew that one day we would have these addictions. It may be a surprise to us but not to Him because He knew everything that we would encounter in life. Take heart in this; though He is not happy about the addiction, He is happy that you acknowledge that there is a problem and you want to be delivered. The worst thing that can happen would be to be in bondage to porn,( or anything else) and not see anything wrong with it. Nothing is too big for the Lord.

 

Ta Ta wrote:

Hi. I remember being sexually abused at a young age. It was like a plague because I in turn abused my cousin. Ever since that,my feelings of self worth was messed up and love was and still is distorted for me. I managed to "do the right thing." It was a legalistic approach and I didn't know WHY I shouldn't do it just I shouldn't do it and the fear of not wanting to devastate my family, I kept myself as long as I could. But at the first sign of temptation I folded even though it didn't seem that obvious because it happened in subtle ways where I didn't notice the little warnings. Guys would invite me into that life and me not expecting anything would happen. I guess I was looking for one person as the exception of many who didn't want the same things as the others. I was crying out for hope and assurance in THE WORLD isn't that a laugh. I finally broke when I was caught off guard by a professing christian I thought I was safe with him even though I wasn't an active christian I thought I would be okey with him, but I know now how much of an epidemic it is. We struggled on and off again in that relationship wanting so much for it to work but the harder we tried in the flesh the more we struggled. It needed to be built on the foundation of Christ. I know The Bible says to get married if a couple can't control themselves because it's better to be married than to burn with passion but I felt I wasn't really saved. I wasn't walking with Christ. We didn't get married but our souls were attached and so I spent most of my time reliving that night and many other nights like it not knowing how to cope with it and struggling with guilt that I didn't marry him but the Lord reminds me that I was ignorant of this and I'm free. It was very hard to talk about my feelings to church members because everyone knew the man I was with and was going to marry because it was his home church we went to. I couldn't talk about such things. I didn't want them to know how I really was. My true self and so I went on without healing feeling like a hypocrite and pretending while I was hurting inside. I was sexually addicted after that first night I did it and I couldn't stop myself after that. I would go to various men until I got saved but stayed away from relationships altogether fearing breaking up because I didn't know how to cope with it. Eight years had went by without a relationship and I met someone but because I didn't deal with the feelings and didn't heal from the relationship, it soon fell apart. It's easier to talk a little bit about sexual addiction in one way because it seemed it was harder to talk to the former pastor and his wife. They seemed so distanced from that problem, but our pastor we have now urges us to talk to each other about our struggles- to be accountable to each other. I'm also seeing a CHRISTIAN counselor to help me through the effects of the abuse. First and foremost repentance is what she advises. But the most thing that helps me when I'm feeling ashamed or devastated is The Word of God and knowing He's the only one who really really wants to be our One True Love and the only One who understands to the depts of our souls what we really need. I'm finally learning that. I'm so glad for FBH. It really gives us a chance to open up after so many years of silence and to begin healing. I pray this testimony helps people somehow.

 

Anonymous wrote:

I am a 47 year old man and I am a porn addict. I have been addict to porn and masturbation since I was a young teen. Several years ago soon after my 2nd marriage began I moved into having oral sex with men. I always felt so discusting and cheap with every time. I felt so ahamed but every time God would be there wanting to help me but i would say no and turn from him. I have been lying to my loving wife. Recently I thought that I had been exposed to a std. So I cried out to the Lord and he was there just like always but this time i turned to him to find his big loving arms open to embace me and say to me welcome home my son I will remove this bondage of sin from you. And at that moment he did just that, I gave it all to him and every since I feel so much weight of guilt and sin lifted off me. Why Lord did I wait so long! God spoke to me that I needed to confess my sins to my wife and the ones that I have hurt with my sexual addiction to begin the healing and restoration of my life. I have told my wife about all of it. I was ready to be kicked out and thought she would never want to see me ever again! I have deeply hurt her by not the acts that I did but by lying to her for all of these years, disrespecting our marriage and breaking her heart. She told me that if I seek help for my addiction and problems that there may be a chance for our marriage. Thank our wonderful Lord! It is because of him that I still have a shot at doing the right thing. I pray every day for his guidance and that he continues to heal my mind, spirit and my marriage. I pray every day for anyone else that has this addiction and that they too will turn to God because we can not do it by ourselves! Only through our blessed Lord and his covering peace on all situations can we overcome our sins! Blessed be his name forever and ever!

 

Diana wrote:

I am 22 years old and at the age of 4 I was sexually abused and by the age of 12 I was sexually abused again so ever since then I thought sex OK and was the only way to gain happiness but I was wrong. I have been addicted to sex since I was 12 and the worst part yet was that it got worse when I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior. All I know is that I have failed God and sometimes I even think that God will never forgive me for what I have done. I have said to myself "why would God want someone who fails him all the time." and then I feel sorry for myself. All I know is that I need help and a lot of prayer, I really want to change. I do not want to spent the rest of my life failing God!!! I appreciate any prayers