Stories

Scott wrote:

I am 39 and for the last 25 years I have pretty much grown to be a real life Ned Flanders (from the Simpsons) He's the christian widower who "loves Jesus, loves his dead wife, loves his children and all left-handed people of the world." Though not a fundamentalist I do go to an evangelical fundamental Bible church. I have been married 16 years and have 2 awesome kids. Porn has always been a huge temptation but I wouldn't call myself an addict. I was a binge porn addict. If I had a way tp go back and see how many times I have viewed porn I woudl probably be surprised but for the last 12 years it has been anywhere from once a year to once a month... sometimes with months in between. I started counseling recently and have just now discovered the connection between stress and masturbation. If I could go back and see the times I went on-line I am almost positive it happened during a stressful time in life. When your stressed you want relief. Masturbation gives you a "hit" of dopamine for a thrill and then gives you a "hit" of seratonin to relax and sleep. Because I needed these hits - regardless of the frequency - maybe I am an addict. Last year stress went through the roof for me personally and I felt the need to do something more thrilling and I almost "hooked-up" with a stranger on-line. Stress and it's connection do not relieve me of my personal responsibility but it has given me alot of clarity on why this "apple" has been so tempting. I'm a hot mess, I am just starting... The holy spirit and my counselor have a tough job ahead of them. I am broken, tired and have severley damaged my marriage which other's admired before I confessed to my wife. So the next time you see a real life Ned Flanders... remember we are all jars of clay. This jar of clay is just starting to recover, confess and admit the mess sin and my choices have made. Warning Will Robinson! Warning!! Warning!! ANY porn is to much porn, any repetitve sin is to repetitive. Find a safe friend, pastor or counselor and get help. Don't wallow in self-pity... you're not alone.

 

Pat wrote:

I began to look at porn at the age of eleven when a pop-up for softcore caught my attention. Since my family's computer was in the basement, keeping my activities secret was easy. When my sister watched TV down there, I would adjust the monitor, so she wouldn't see. Through middle school, I kept my activities secret. No one asked, and I didn't tell. My dad became suspicious, however, and placed blocking software on the computer, but I easily found loopholes. By the time I entered high school, I looked forward to coming home and checking the porn sites every day. So many nights, I stayed up way too late doing homework that should have been completed when I was looking at porn. Even though, the boys at school would openly talk about porn, I felt too ashamed to contribute. What was I doing? God obviously knew what I was doing, but when I desired sex, he seemed a million miles away. In tenth grade, I dated a girl who had been sexually active before. She felt comfortable opening up to me and pressured me into fooling around. Because of porn, I already knew how sex worked and I went too far! Sex is not restricted only to intercourse. I had tried to be faithful to my girlfriend by abstaining from porn, and it worked for the most part (I went one month straight at one point). However, after the break-up I returned to those familiar sites. Those made me feel loved, if only for a brief time. In eleventh grade, I learned that sex and pornography can be addictions. I looked back on all the times I had listened to sermons in church about the dangers of lust and sex. Every single sermon had energized me to quit porn forever. I never lasted more than a week (except when I dated). Using Google, I searched for a cure to porn addiction: step by step plans, strategies to avoid computers, but they never worked. I always wanted to go back. Prayer became a constant solace for me. Unfortunately, I never prayed before I logged on, only after I had sinned and sinned again. Becoming more and more desperate for relief, I confessed to my dad who had known for years. He installed a more restrictive version of the blocking software, yet I found more ways around it. One of my friends held me accountable for several weeks when I confessed to him, but when I improved, he stopped asking me, and I returned again. Christ had been watching and fighting with me the entire time. What scared me was that I would ask him to help me, but then do whatever I could to satiate my sexual hunger. These days, I will fight every day with Christ by my side, but I still fail frequently in His presence. The satisfaction I used to receive from porn has disappeared. I know that Christ lives inside of my heart, and He will not allow me to enjoy this parasitic sin any longer. I cannot do this any longer! In reading other's testimonies, I realize that I am not alone. We need to destroy pornography once and for all, so that no more people will suffer like me. The war has been fought for years, BUT IT MUST END HERE!!!

 

 

Mike Waggoner wrote:

I am a 44 yr.old man who has struggled with pornography most of my life. I was 5 yrs. old when a neighbor kid smuggled one of his dad's Playboys out to the "fort". I can still see the first image as though it was yesterday. As strange as it may sound, I was addicted at first sight at the age of 5. It continued to get worse as I got older. By the time I was 20, I viewed pornography as often as possible, and in my later 20's and early 30's the internet made it easy and cheap. My wife has always known of the problem but always believed my lies that I was through with it. Why wouldn't she believe her "loving, deeply spiritual, Bible teaching husband"? Three months ago our business partner discovered on the company computer, pornography. I have since been dismissed from a job that I loved. Thankfully, my wife has stood by me and helped me find the help I needed. I have found a 12 step group and I have been sexually sober from my porn addiction for 3 months now. I must tell anyone reading this...Jesus is the answer along with friends who understand the addiction. Look for the help, because it's there.

 

Lovesick wrote:

I am a 15 year old teenager and have struggled with pornography and masturbation addictions my entire life, litterally since I can remember. I have become very close to God in the past two years and I am so enjoying getting closer to God and building relationship with Him. I believe it is about relationship, not religion, which is why Jesus hated what the Pharisees believes in. After I gave my life to God two years ago, I went somewhere around a year without porn or masturbating, then I fell back into it several differant occasions. It got to the point where I couldn't go more than two days, if not a fay, without masturbating. God is working in my life and currently I'm at the two week mark. It isn't always easy but it's so worth the fight and God is so willing to set us free and forgive us all our sins if we just follow after Him and seek His love and grace. God is good and wants to see the entire woe freed from this mess, and so do I. And I'm here to say that's it's possible, so don't give up hope.

 

Adam wrote:

I have been struggling with pornography and masturbation since I have been 11 years old. I often look at porn for an excessive amount of time and then have period of time where I try to change my ways. I've never been able to treat it. My thoughts are always filled with sexual desires and thoughts I can't control. I haven't told anyone about my struggles yet. I just wanna live for God and quit this habit. I really feel like I am living a lie. I feel like I go to church and put on a smile and pretend everything is fine. I go to youth group and do the same. I'm sick of being fake and afraid of speaking up. I've always been surrounded by God and have always felt his love. I wanna be set free from this addiction. I've been through a lot and I feel like masturbation and pornography release me from the constant stress and pain.