Stories

Thomas wrote:

Life is the stage and we are the actors upon it. That phrase defines me completely. I am the classic church kid who looks perfect and like he couldn't possibly ever deal with pornography. Thats where everyone is dead wrong. It is a double life, the life of godliness and the life of sin. I began at age 12 and now I'm 16 learning to deal with it much better. This Friday me and my friends will be restarting an accountability group I began last winter, and I hope I can help the new teenagers in the church that will inevitably face this battle. The battle for myself is not over yet, but I can tell you one good piece of advice. NEVER GIVE UP!!! Never get down on yourself and make sure you come to somebody with your problem. If my dad had never discovered my problem, I would be drowning in sin right now. Its possible to defeat this, and we can all rise as Christians and do it together. Look to 2 timothy 2:22 and keep it in mind.

 

Christopher wrote:

I was first exposed to pornography by a friend when i was 9. Since that time and now (I am now in my early 20's) I have intermittently come into contact with pornography through the internet, firstly through a youthful misguided curiosity and then later for the seeking of sexual acceptance, out of a childish fear and anxiety I had that I may never be able to sexually fullfil a woman, and for the obvious brief pleasures it promised me. I recently went about a year without exposure to pornography, and then upon a massive change of circumstances (death, relocation, new work, new study and a new relationship) I opened the gate to pornography again for about 3 weeks. I confessed it regularly to family and friends whenever it reared it's head and I sought out the instruction and accountability of church elders and friends. Although I do not consider myself 'deeply addicted' I used pornography to seek satisfaction in my weakness and naivety instead of holding to my identity and the promises of Christ. It has damaged me and I am forced to contend with it daily through the reknewing of my mind and the guarding of my heart through the strength and power of my Christ Jesus. Further more - I confessed to my girl (the most Godly, Prescious and Beautiful of women) the fact of my past aquaintance with pornography and it has contributed significantly to our separation... and I know that when I do find the woman who will be my wife - that she and I together will have to endure the same searching and scrutinization and healing that my ex and I have had to attempt and endure. I realised this in the back of my head at the time of my transgressions - but never appreciated that it could be this painful and difficult to have to share it with another. She cannot feel that she can again trust any affection, any promise and any motivation for a future relationship. Nothing feels more painful than having the passionate, pure and powerful cry of your heart to love another - considered to be untrustworthy and irreconcilable. Biggest Props and respect to those that are struggling with their addictions and temptations after so long of covering it up. I cannot fathom the intensity of the pain and the scrutiny which your heart and soul must go under. Some verses that have helped me are: Admonition From Ephesans 4:14 "That we from now on be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive;" Encouragement from Romans 12:2 "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect." I will stay strong in this struggle and I will endure. Lord help me.

 

Adam wrote:

I am Christ Follower and a porn addict. I am married, and I love my wife. Porn is a temptation in my life. It is not a failing of my wife. It is a pattern of sin my body learned before I found a new life in Christ. When my walk with Jesus is strong, fleeing from temptation is easy. When I walk away from Jesus's side, down life's dark alleys, I cannot fight the call that porn has on me. I am not strong enough. It consumes me. I don't want to stop. Then comes guilt and shame and loss of fellowship with God, which is unbearable. I am blessed that my valleys are shallow. I don't ever seem to walk too far away that I cannot run back to Christ when I find myself in the gutter. I live the song "Undo" by Rush of Fools. To label me a prodigal or hypocrite would not scratch the surface of what's inside of me. I am going through a Bible Study group that is challenging us to be true Christ followers, giving our lives in total surrender to Christ. It has been exactly what I need. I am ready to find freedom in Christ. I read the Bible each day expecting to receive a message from God. I pray immediately in response to my reading, answering God in relationship. I start my day expecting the events of the day to continue the conversation. I only had the radio on for 5 minutes the other day. Just long enough to hear Rush of Fools talk about Freedom Begins Here. I know God was talking to me. Directly. I am a leader in my church. We are starting a mentorship program, and I was chosen to be one of the first to be mentored by our church leaders. I am praying that I can finally find an accountability partner that I can feel safe confessing my sin to. Our church has a "Celebrate Recovery" ministry that I am a worship leader for. I have never been able to admit my sin there. Doesn't that say something? Not only is church not a safe place to find healing, but not even in a recovery ministry at church... I don't feel safe letting anyone know that I struggle in this way lest I be cast out as garbage, unfit for service or any good use. It has prevented me from getting the help I need. I have learned a thing or two about recovery along the way. Every addict needs to commit to being clean and sober, beginning today. We all know what it means for an alcoholic to be sober -- they stop drinking. Even one drop is one drop too many. A drug addict stops using drugs. The only way a porn addict can escape sexual images in our culture would be to poke his or her eyes out! Instead, the definition of sobriety for sexual addicts is "no sexual act outside of a marriage relationship." You can see things... you will see things, but the only release is in marriage. So it is better not to see. It only leads to frustration. Accountability to sobriety is a key to recovery. It is a hard path to walk alone. Anyone who says they want to change but hasn't gotten rid of books, magazines, movies is still in denial. The first step to recovery is admitting that you are an addict. Often it takes hitting rock bottom before an addict will admit their sin and look for help. A spouse may have to show tough love to help their spouse. But they need to help their spouse find the right help and resources, and remember that we all are sinners in need of God's grace. Addicts are great at hiding their tracks. But honestly, I welcome support and help and openness with my wife. I can tell her what are my triggers --when I am tempted, what things tempt me. I can tell her how I hide my tracks, what I do so no one will know, how to tell when I am slipping, though I think she can tell now. I love my wife. I don't want to bring this up with her on my own because it is so hard to convince her this is my problem, not a problem with her. I am just not strong enough to fight temptation without a disciplined life. Most days are fine, but then in a weak moment I fail. Her help is the best help, but there are times she doesn't realize how much a magazine cover or even a sales paper left out can cause me to slip. I am hoping to find a safe accountability partner. I can't even imagine finding a safe accountability group. For now, my best accountability is first to God and second to my wife and third to my children. But more help would be a blessing.

 

 

Paul Norton wrote:

I just googled this site hoping to find some encouragement. I've a mild persistent porn addiction and I'm determined to find a strategy that works. I know that it takes more than prayer and half measures. I agree with others I've seen posting who have said it takes professional help. It's not just physical, it's mental and emotional as well. Last time I was on a site like this I got lost in all the varying degrees of porn addiction that I wasn't sure I was "that" addicted. It didn't go well for me. But, I'm determined to find my answer and truely be free BEFORE I'm married or attatched ("mild" addiction or not). So far I have a plan and some strategy forming. I plan on keeping a recovery journal with accountability partners who will also have access to the journal as well as regular accountability. I plan also on not having my laptop in my posession (hopefully in even another city) for 6 months at least, if even I ever get it back (I don't care, I'm committed to getting the temptation out of sight forever). Aside from that I have some herbal strategies I discovered and I have gracious and praying support. For my journal I plan on not just detailing (at least once a week) whether I have or haven't fallen. I plan on making it an accountability partner's project from me while I go through this time. The partner will not only have access but will be keeping me accountable for finding encouraging things and whatnot. I not only want this to be an accountability tool but an encouraging tool for me and maybe others after me. I know this can be done. One thing I want to share with my brothers in this is a thought I had today while praying about all this. I remembered a verse that was about some guy in the wilderness out of the Israelites who just decided he wanted some girls. He didn't even hide it but openly brought them into his tent. One other dude didn't think that was so cool and run him through with a spear, through both the guy and the girl and on into the ground. Now that's passion for holiness.. right into the dirt! As I pondered that and feeling once again wholly unworthy cause I was at the cross...Again!.. I started speaking this aloud as I poured out my heart to God. "I deserve death, I deserve to be run through with a sp.." As the word "spear" was unfinnished on my lips I instantly remembered the spear they ran through Jesus. It still blesses me to think of that. Keep believing and keep going till this thing is kaput. Oh, and another thought for you... I was contemplating what this whole thing was like. My brain pulled an illustration of a river. Though I've always been a man of faith holding on to God through Jesus seems I always kept slipping in this area. It's like this battle was a loosing one like I was trying to swim upstream against an endless current. But then as I continued with that thinking I started speaking out, "Lord you're the rock I can climb up onto. You're the secure rope to the shore. You're the bridge pilon with a ladder to land." And, it occured to me during all these thoughts that the best way to fight this is to get out of the current. Why battle through the temptation? It's an endless current. This is why I have determined to have my laptop out of the way or blocked with a program. I'd really like to be rid of it all together, but I know at some point I'll have to work with a personal computer.. less I join the Hutterites. :P Anyway, I encourage you to form a plan and also to minimize all temptations. Be committed to give up things that may be very much rooted in your life. Be committed to letting them go and cutting them off. Not just for the period of recovery! But to cut them off with the full conviction of cutting them off for good, even in this day and age of communication/personal computing. Better to enter paradise maimed... seriously is a laptop so attatched to you that it's your hand? I think not. How dedicated you are will determine your progress and healing/freedom from this, so I've been told. Anyway.. bless up and press in to a fuller happier life, it's at the end of this. Peace!