I am 39 and for the last 25 years I have pretty much grown to be a real life Ned Flanders (from the Simpsons) He's the christian widower who "loves Jesus, loves his dead wife, loves his children and all left-handed people of the world." Though not a fundamentalist I do go to an evangelical fundamental Bible church. I have been married 16 years and have 2 awesome kids. Porn has always been a huge temptation but I wouldn't call myself an addict. I was a binge porn addict. If I had a way tp go back and see how many times I have viewed porn I woudl probably be surprised but for the last 12 years it has been anywhere from once a year to once a month... sometimes with months in between. I started counseling recently and have just now discovered the connection between stress and masturbation. If I could go back and see the times I went on-line I am almost positive it happened during a stressful time in life. When your stressed you want relief. Masturbation gives you a "hit" of dopamine for a thrill and then gives you a "hit" of seratonin to relax and sleep. Because I needed these hits - regardless of the frequency - maybe I am an addict. Last year stress went through the roof for me personally and I felt the need to do something more thrilling and I almost "hooked-up" with a stranger on-line. Stress and it's connection do not relieve me of my personal responsibility but it has given me alot of clarity on why this "apple" has been so tempting. I'm a hot mess, I am just starting... The holy spirit and my counselor have a tough job ahead of them. I am broken, tired and have severley damaged my marriage which other's admired before I confessed to my wife. So the next time you see a real life Ned Flanders... remember we are all jars of clay. This jar of clay is just starting to recover, confess and admit the mess sin and my choices have made. Warning Will Robinson! Warning!! Warning!! ANY porn is to much porn, any repetitve sin is to repetitive. Find a safe friend, pastor or counselor and get help. Don't wallow in self-pity... you're not alone.
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