Pat wrote:

I began to look at porn at the age of eleven when a pop-up for softcore caught my attention. Since my family's computer was in the basement, keeping my activities secret was easy. When my sister watched TV down there, I would adjust the monitor, so she wouldn't see. Through middle school, I kept my activities secret. No one asked, and I didn't tell. My dad became suspicious, however, and placed blocking software on the computer, but I easily found loopholes. By the time I entered high school, I looked forward to coming home and checking the porn sites every day. So many nights, I stayed up way too late doing homework that should have been completed when I was looking at porn. Even though, the boys at school would openly talk about porn, I felt too ashamed to contribute. What was I doing? God obviously knew what I was doing, but when I desired sex, he seemed a million miles away. In tenth grade, I dated a girl who had been sexually active before. She felt comfortable opening up to me and pressured me into fooling around. Because of porn, I already knew how sex worked and I went too far! Sex is not restricted only to intercourse. I had tried to be faithful to my girlfriend by abstaining from porn, and it worked for the most part (I went one month straight at one point). However, after the break-up I returned to those familiar sites. Those made me feel loved, if only for a brief time. In eleventh grade, I learned that sex and pornography can be addictions. I looked back on all the times I had listened to sermons in church about the dangers of lust and sex. Every single sermon had energized me to quit porn forever. I never lasted more than a week (except when I dated). Using Google, I searched for a cure to porn addiction: step by step plans, strategies to avoid computers, but they never worked. I always wanted to go back. Prayer became a constant solace for me. Unfortunately, I never prayed before I logged on, only after I had sinned and sinned again. Becoming more and more desperate for relief, I confessed to my dad who had known for years. He installed a more restrictive version of the blocking software, yet I found more ways around it. One of my friends held me accountable for several weeks when I confessed to him, but when I improved, he stopped asking me, and I returned again. Christ had been watching and fighting with me the entire time. What scared me was that I would ask him to help me, but then do whatever I could to satiate my sexual hunger. These days, I will fight every day with Christ by my side, but I still fail frequently in His presence. The satisfaction I used to receive from porn has disappeared. I know that Christ lives inside of my heart, and He will not allow me to enjoy this parasitic sin any longer. I cannot do this any longer! In reading other's testimonies, I realize that I am not alone. We need to destroy pornography once and for all, so that no more people will suffer like me. The war has been fought for years, BUT IT MUST END HERE!!!



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