I never thought I would share this with anyone, but after reading this site for a week, I woke up this morning and decided that even though my testimony would only be shared in cyberspace, it's still a step forward. It all started when I was a kid. I was ten years old and had just woken up for breakfast. While I got dressed, I could hear my dad down in the kitchen. He was hollering, "Some fathers have sons that will rally around their father and try to help out!" My dad had tried to open a balloon factory but it bombed quick and was a big financial burden on us. Then I remember what he said next hurt me so bad. He said, almost shouting, "But not OUR SON! Oh no, OUR son is a LITTLE FAT NOTHING!" Yes, I was, as I am at the time, a round, fat kid. My bowl hair cut and glasses didn't help matters but I had always tried to help around the house. But that didn't stop dad. All I was to him was a "little FAT NOTHING." What did he think I could have done? I was only ten, he's the one who chased that silly dream of balloons and invested all our money in it, not me. But from then on, I was always the "little FAT NOTHING." Now dad had never gone to church and even mom and myself at that time were still going to synagogue, and that was only when my grandfather was in town so as to make a good impression on the old man. Well, flash forward ten years later and my insecurities about being a "little FAT NOTHING," came to the forefront. I didn't think I was worth looking at and didn't think anyone could love me. It's around this time I met a girl who told me about her Wednesday Night Mini-Revivals. She and her family spoke in tongues and praised Yahweh in ways I'd never seen before. This "little FAT NOTHING" became intrigued and I started going whenever I was free. My dirty secret was, I wasn't going because I was interested in the tongue talk or anything else, but this girl. I soon realized it wasn't love, but probably lust as I had an inappropriate dream some days after that first meeting. Well, I never spoke in tongues but that did start me down a slippery slope. A slope I'm still trying to get off of. I don't know, maybe it's because I still feel like a little FAT NOTHING that I'm here, but this website has given me hope. Thank you for allowing me to post this ramble. I know it won't inspire anyone, but I maybe, just maybe, this website will set me and other little FAT NOTHINGS free from their shameful past.
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