Wow. My story? Hmm, it's a long one to sum up in 2000 words, but I'll try. My battle with porn and masturbation began when I was ten years old. I was sexually abused which began a long path downward. I had no idea how to express myself and the cravings for love drove me to seek romance novels, then chat rooms, then porn and masturbation. While a lot of the world around me was telling me that it was okay and natural, shame and condemnation became my life. Everything was a secret and it remained one until I was 16. I believed that while God was loving, I was such a bad person that His love didn?t and couldn?t reach me. My addictions drove me to depression and suicide. If God couldn?t save me, who could? With impeccable timing, God spoke to me a week before my 17th birthday and showed me Jesus. He took my suicidal mentality away and gave me hope for a rich life without slavery to addiction. Freedom in Him. I began to get rid of everything I could that drove me closer to porn, masturbation, and the world?s view of sex. That meant getting rid of almost every book I had, deleting hundreds of songs from my Ipod, and avoiding TV like the plague. It meant asking Jesus what sex really was because my sexuality was so distorted and confusing. It meant asking Him for guidance in how to get help. It meant talking about my secrets for the first time in my life. I had told my friends a little before but this meant stepping out of my safety zone and speaking about my fears and feelings and not minimizing my addictions. It meant many nights of tears and repentance and turning off the computer when I was alone. It meant not going to certain movies with my friends and spending hours in my room because the living room contained the computer and the TV which was always on (Do you know how frustrating it is when you have to do homework on the computer, but you don?t want to hear Two and a Half Men on the TV and you?re scared to wait until 9 when it?s just you and the internet) I have messed up, screwed up, fallen, sinned, back slided, whatever you want to call it. I have weeped at my failures and have hid my face from Christ. But he always gives me hope. Hope that I am free in Him. Sometimes it takes turning off the TV (I watch it occasionally now) and sob to Jesus about all my temptations. It takes studying His Word so when temptation comes I remember that He never lets me be tempted beyond what I can bear and He gives us a way out (1 Cor 10:13). I remember that He?s been tempted in every way and he sympathizes with me (Hebrews 4:15). It gives me strength to know that Christ has been tempted in the same ways and didn?t give in because He lives in me. If He can overcome it, He can help me overcome it too. And every time I ?slip up?, He?s still there ready to take me back. Every time. He loves us with a love that drove Him to the cross. He loves even though we nailed Him there with our sin. He loves me even though my porn addiction cost His blood. And I have freedom. But only in Him. You can have it too.
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