From the Blog

Harmful Deceiver

Before I gave my heart to Jesus in January of 1980, I used to think that pornography really didn’t hurt anyone. Even psychology painted a picture that it could be helpful to detour rape by giving an outlet—and, boy, that sounded good and right to me, until Ted Bundy did his interview with Dr. James Dobson.

I had hoped it was a good thing because I was drawn to it. Men are hardwired to be visually stimulated. God made it to be that way. God created godly marital sex to be an intimate bonding—a wonderful, exciting moment between husband and wife. Fornication includes all forms of sexual sin like adultery, premarital sex, multiple partners, pornography (fornicea), homosexuality, and masturbation. It destroys God’s beautiful purpose for sex.

Pornography is not harmless but hurtful. The first one it hurts is God. Joseph said to Potiphar’s wife when she was trying to seduce him, “How could I do this thing and sin against God?” King David said, after being convicted by Nathan the prophet of his sins concerning Bathsheba, “Against God and God alone have I sinned.” We all have sinned against others and have had others sin against us, so we deserve what we get. But God deserves to be honored and revered, so any sin is firstly against Him. Secondly, we hurt our wives, our children, and ourselves. We also support an industry that supports all sorts of ungodliness, including human trafficking. One thing God used to get my attention was this question, “How would you feel if you were to open a porno magazine or watch a porno DVD and see your beloved daughter? The ladies seen in these magazines or films were somebody’s ‘baby girl’ and made in the ‘image of God.’”

God says in His word that sin is “pleasurable for a season” but it will ultimately destroy us. Sin is not bad because it’s forbidden, it’s forbidden because it’s bad.

On a personal note, I was exposed to pornography at a very young age. I wasn’t looking for porn at six years old, but it came looking for me. I wasn’t addicted immediately, but through other circumstances (I’ll blog about that at another time) I became addicted, and it was instrumental in causing my two divorces. Porn is a fantasy world—not reality. It’s staged and posed and doesn’t portray a true picture of reality. It’s generally perverse and a definite deviation of God’s plan.


Even after I gave my heart to Jesus I didn’t see pornography as a sin, because it wasn’t real—only fantasy. It’s not like I was having an affair. I didn’t understand what the word fornication meant. I didn’t read through the Bible completely until 1997, and it was probably five years later before I heard Jesus’ teaching about lust being adultery. Even then I tried to convince myself that I really had no interest in any of those women personally. And until recently, churches just didn’t address pornography until it was an epidemic in the church. Once I was convicted of my sin, I couldn’t seem to stop.

Finally, after my second wife filed for divorce, I followed the words of James 5:16—I confessed my sin and began the process of deliverance. About ten years later when I was depressed, like an alcoholic returning to the bottle to self-medicate, I started slipping back into porn.

As God would have it, a little company in Siloam Springs, Arkansas, developed some material to address porn and sexual addiction. And again by the providence of God, my brother-in-law was approached by this company to come on board to help promote the product. Then he sent me the material to get my opinion. The material was called Freedom Begins Here. This material convicted me of backsliding, but more than that, it made me realize I was not alone and that there was hope. Like any addict, I always have to be on guard because pornography will always be a strong temptation, but with God’s help and materials out on the market and churches that promote transparency and seeking help with our issues, there is a future and a hope.

Jeff Fowler

Read Jeff's story here

PORN - The New Four Letter Word in the Church

Ignoring a life threatening problem that you know exists, is tantamount to a slow suicide. Yet, many churches refuse to deal with such a threat.

Sexual sin and pornography are that sickness.

Much like mold that's growing behind a wall, under a floor or in a dark basement corner, are pornography discussions in the church. They are icky and people would rather not hear about it and, want someone else to deal with it, if at all. 

In other words, it's left up to those who are willing, if any, to get their hands dirty, messy and to clean it up. 

Far too often, no one is willing.

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Excuses, Blame, and Responsibility; More Candid Talk to Husbands

I normally do not write posts directly to husbands.  Because of my own journey, my passion is to give hope to wives whose husbands have or are currently struggling with an addiction to porn. However, this post is different.  I cannot keep silent on this subject any longer.  As your sister in Christ, I write this in love and in hopes that God can use it to encourage you to be different from the husbands that I hear about.  Please bear with me as I explain what I am talking about.

 

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Am I Not Enough?

I have asked this question so MANY times over the years.  Not always verbally, but in my mind it was there.....eating away at my God given dignity and value, eroding the woman God intended for me to be.  I understand the deep pain and the tears behind that question.  I know the anguish, the hopelessness, the shame.

My husband's addiction to porn left open wounds that festered and gave way to toxic thinking.  A battle I lost many times over.  In those dark moments I listened to the lie of the enemy over and over again. I hid in shame.  Those were some of the absolute loneliest days of my life.  I was so self focused.  I would cry and cry thinking why can't he just love me?  There were moments when I would have rather died than feel what I was feeling.

In speaking with other wives in similar circumstances I know I am not alone. Wives who have experienced this kind of betrayal fight the same battle and satan does a happy dance.   If he can get us to focus on ourselves, to doubt our worth, our God given value, then he knows we will never fulfill God's divine purposes for our lives. 

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Will it Fix Itself?

This morning in our prayer meeting there were several things brought up that got me thinking. A man had struggled with an addiction to pornography for 15 years... and someone said, "That's close to the majority of his life."

If you have a flat tire on your vehicle, you get it repaired and drive down the road... what happens if you don't? You drive on the flat until you've destroyed the tire, the rim, and eventually other parts of your vehicle will become damaged. Driving at higher speeds with a flat tire can be hazardous and may result in a serious and potentially deadly accident.

For those struggling with an addiction and hoping it will fix itself... it might not. What then? Are you content living and hoping it's going to get better? Why not do something. Why not get that flat repaired? There's no guarantee that your journey will be suddenly become a smooth one, but leave it your struggle to fix itself and you're risking a wreck.

If you care about your car there's no question you'd get that tire taken care of. It's probably safe to say you care more about your own life and wellness than you do for your vehicle... unless it's a classic! J/K

I'm not saying this to discourage anyone... but that imagery just came to me hearing about people living with this struggle for such an extended period of time.