As a NEW YEAR begins, many will take time to reflect on the past twelve months; the joys, the growth, the changes, the challenges along with the tears, the regrets, the losses, the hurts and the pain.
Although a new year is dawning, many have hurts from yesterday that will carry over.
Some sisters are still on their arduous journey of healing while others may have just begun. Friend, I don't know where this new year finds you, what hurts you woke up with today, what wounds are gaping open or what thoughts torment you. However, I do know that in the darkness of betrayal, Jesus illuminates that darkness with the light of His enduring love and there He embraces His beloved, broken daughter. Friend, this is where your healing begins!
Even though you may see your husband moving forward on his journey towards deliverance, sometimes it is difficult to see him as God sees him. I can relate all too well. We tend to see through eyes of the past. We see through distorted lenses. We see through the pain, the tears, the memories.
"I cry out to God, I run to Him in my pain, frustration and even shame. I just can't seem to get it all together. Why God, why can't you just "fix" me? Can't you just remove those ugly things deep in my heart that seem to still be there, forever a part of who I am? Lord Jesus, there is this battle, a struggle raging inside of my soul. I see the woman I WANT to be, the one I desire to be and I am so very far from that. She is buried beneath the hurts and insecurities. I thought you and I together had conquered these things once and for all, but here I am, finding myself in this cave of despair AGAIN. There are days when it seems the harder I try, the worse it gets. As if the ground that I had gained was all but lost and I find myself back at the beginning of it all. Old feelings, thoughts of the lies, the betrayal. They weigh heavy upon my soul like a weight with no mercy."
Have you ever had similar thoughts? You are NOT alone, my friend!