From the Blog

Let's Call It what It is...Sin

Nearly 12 million people in America today fight a sexual addiction, according to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. Pornography is recognized as an addiction in the counseling and psychological community. It has been treated similarly by Alcoholics Anonymous since the late 1970’s.

Addictions are labeled as diseases and disorders by the medical community. I’m not writing this to dispute those labels, but to speak to what my experience and education by said experience has taught me about addiction. And in particular, my (past) addiction to pornography (sexual addiction).

Pornography in and of itself is sin. Therefore, a pornography addiction is sinful. The bible teaches us this in 1 Corinthians 6:18 “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.” Galatians 5:19 “The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery;”

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Excuses, Blame, and Responsibility; More Candid Talk to Husbands

I normally do not write posts directly to husbands.  Because of my own journey, my passion is to give hope to wives whose husbands have or are currently struggling with an addiction to porn. However, this post is different.  I cannot keep silent on this subject any longer.  As your sister in Christ, I write this in love and in hopes that God can use it to encourage you to be different from the husbands that I hear about.  Please bear with me as I explain what I am talking about.

 

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To The Husband Who Has Been Caught....

I want to write to you frankly and honestly from a wife's perspective.  A wife who has seen her porn addicted husband delivered and her marriage restored.  A wife who has endured the brokenness of this kind of betrayal  and experienced the healing, redeeming power of Jesus Christ. I want to give you hope. So let's start at the place where most husbands addicted to porn eventually find themselves........

 

You've been caught.  Your wife now knows your secret.

 

Now what?   Is there hope for your marriage? Will your wife always be this angry?  Will your wife ever be able to forgive you? Will she leave you?

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A prayer for you...

Friend, we serve a God who forgives, heals, restores, redeems, and sets the captives free!  Below is a beautiful prayer I received from the heart of a man who understands the consequences of sexual addiction. Whether you are battling an addiction yourself or you are a wife who's heart has been broken because of your husband's addiction, this is for you.  May this prayer minister to you and bring hope to you no matter where you are at on your journey!

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Welcoming Vicki Tiede to the Freedom Begins Here Team

The statistics are staggering, fifty percent of Christian men are addicted to pornography. The cancerous infection of pornography is eating away at the hearts of the women behind the men who are addicted. I was one of those women. If you’re reading this, you probably are too.

I’ll be honest, that marriage didn’t survive. I was a mess. He was a mess. Together, we couldn’t begin to make things right. I’m convinced that you do the best you can with the information you have at the time. At that time, I knew diddly-squat about pornography addiction let alone what I could do about the tremendous sense of betrayal and pain I felt. I certainly was in no position to contribute to an environment that promoted healing.

Nevertheless, I was determined to fix my eyes on the God of Hope and begin a spiritual quest to redefine my life regardless of my husband’s daily choices. In the sixteen years since my first marriage ended, I’ve continued learning to allow God to meet my greatest needs, rather than expecting my (new) husband to do so. This is a long and learned process, a slow dance through brokenness in the arms of the Almighty.

I’ve written a book called When Your Husband is Addicted to Pornography ~ Healing Your Broken Heart. Oh, I pray you’ll get a copy and start working through the healing process.

My book doesn’t promise a woman an overnight healing; rather, it offers tools to help you examine your current stage of grieving and teaches you what God’s Word has to say about overcoming the painful ramifications of your husband’s betrayal, cleansing your mind and heart of the hurtful, and perhaps graphic things you have seen, heard, said, and felt. In the book, I repeatedly show women passages of Scripture promising that God will meet you exactly where you are in the healing process. When Your Husband… stresses that a wife is only responsible for herself and the choices she makes. It’s not a handbook for fixing your husband. When Your Husband… points you to the One who is able to bring about restoration and reconciliation.

I’m so excited to be blogging regularly with Mindy Adams for Freedom Begins Here! (You are going to love getting to know Mindy too!) God has placed an enormous burden on my heart to open the Scriptures and share my life experiences in order to share His grace and faithfulness and to draw other women into a lifelong pursuit of knowing Him. I’m living proof that God can and will do beautiful things with the broken pieces of your heart. Psalm 147:3 reminds us that He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

I’ve been a speaker and author for more than ten years, and I’ve shared my story countless times and heard the tear-filled stories of more women than I can name. There’s comfort in knowing that you aren’t alone on this journey, that others have walked this path and come out on the other side – hopeful, strong in the Lord, and able to trust again. I’ve watched God restore marriages again and again. He is able.

I look forward to beginning a dialogue with you and other women like us. You are on a journey you never chose and you’re making the voyage with a broken heart. I’m confident, friend, that God can and will see you through to a place of health and renewal. Please, come back often to our blog here at Freedom Begins Here and let us encourage you on your quest for healing.

 

New Story

There's a new story up! Make sure to check it out. Christopher's story

The power of a someone’s testimony of freedom builds hope for our own journey. We find ourselves saying, “Yes! I can have freedom from sexual sin, too.”

However, an honest soul knows that addictive habits and behaviors rarely just disappear overnight. It is a moment by moment battle, that cries out for accountability and grace every step of the way. Being honest about the battle is often the greatest step taken out of chains that bind.

Do you have a story to tell? Don’t be shy. Your story could be key to someone else’s first step towards freedom. We have set up a specific place at www.freedombeginshere.org for your stories. Be sure to check out www.freedombeginshere.org/?page=stories to read the testimonies of others and share your own story.

Update from the Road

February 21 – Quincy, Illinois. It was a frigid snowy day in Quincy this Thursday. But that didn’t stop people from coming out. It was the largest and most diverse crowd yet. We had seasoned pastors sitting next to earring laden, longhaired GenY pastors and everything in between. Different as they could be in many ways, yet rallying around the same cause—helping their churches find freedom from pornography.

Thank you so much to Jan and the staff at Coffee on Broadway! You were so gracious to us.

February 22 – Merrillville, Indiana. Wow. It is amazing to see the response from people who come to hear what we’re all about. Two moms who are active in their church and community heard about us on the radio and decided to come. And we are so glad they did. They are championing the cause. They actually want us to come back to their communities with Rush of Fools and put on an event to talk about the issue. That is exactly what we need to get this movement off the ground.

February 23 – Des Moines, Iowa. Maybe it sounds cliché, but God is continually bringing the right people at the right time to these events. Today we met a man who is actually helping a church deal with a crisis involving the pastor’s pornography problem. In fact, he met with the church congregation the very next day and was planning to use some of the Freedom Begins Here material in the meeting. This man drove 100 miles to hear what we had to say. Amazing!