When you hold your marriage up to a mirror what do you see? What should you see?
The image I pray to see is that of the image of Christ and his relationship to the church. He set the example for us to follow. Unselfish sacrificial love and devotion is the height of the bar.
The book of Ephesians in chapter 5 puts it in God's words. Some of the words your about to read have fueled our culture to become quite upset. Sometimes the truth is hard to take, but it's still the truth.
Here we go. Eph 5: 22-24 "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything."
What proceeds verse 22 in 21 is this; "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."
Ok, husbands pay attention. God has a command for us. Eph 5:25-27 "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless."
Nearly 12 million people in America today fight a sexual addiction, according to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. Pornography is recognized as an addiction in the counseling and psychological community. It has been treated similarly by Alcoholics Anonymous since the late 1970’s.
Addictions are labeled as diseases and disorders by the medical community. I’m not writing this to dispute those labels, but to speak to what my experience and education by said experience has taught me about addiction. And in particular, my (past) addiction to pornography (sexual addiction).
Pornography in and of itself is sin. Therefore, a pornography addiction is sinful. The bible teaches us this in 1 Corinthians 6:18 “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.” Galatians 5:19 “The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery;”
I normally do not write posts directly to husbands. Because of my own journey, my passion is to give hope to wives whose husbands have or are currently struggling with an addiction to porn. However, this post is different. I cannot keep silent on this subject any longer. As your sister in Christ, I write this in love and in hopes that God can use it to encourage you to be different from the husbands that I hear about. Please bear with me as I explain what I am talking about.
"I cry out to God, I run to Him in my pain, frustration and even shame. I just can't seem to get it all together. Why God, why can't you just "fix" me? Can't you just remove those ugly things deep in my heart that seem to still be there, forever a part of who I am? Lord Jesus, there is this battle, a struggle raging inside of my soul. I see the woman I WANT to be, the one I desire to be and I am so very far from that. She is buried beneath the hurts and insecurities. I thought you and I together had conquered these things once and for all, but here I am, finding myself in this cave of despair AGAIN. There are days when it seems the harder I try, the worse it gets. As if the ground that I had gained was all but lost and I find myself back at the beginning of it all. Old feelings, thoughts of the lies, the betrayal. They weigh heavy upon my soul like a weight with no mercy."
Have you ever had similar thoughts? You are NOT alone, my friend!
Friend, we serve a God who forgives, heals, restores, redeems, and sets the captives free! Below is a beautiful prayer I received from the heart of a man who understands the consequences of sexual addiction. Whether you are battling an addiction yourself or you are a wife who's heart has been broken because of your husband's addiction, this is for you. May this prayer minister to you and bring hope to you no matter where you are at on your journey!
Have you ever thought to yourself or told a friend that the reason you chose NOT to divorce your husband after betrayal, was because you wanted to "please God?" You are not alone. Over the years, I have read where many women have said that very thing, me included. That should be no surprise. After all, as women who have been saved by the grace of God, through Christ, pleasing God should be what motivates us all. However, Even though we may have stayed in a difficult marriage in order to "please God", the truth is we may not be producing fruit in our lives that is pleasing to him at all. Let me explain.
Betrayal in any form can cause deep rooted issues in the heart of a woman. Even though a husband is repentant and moving forward in Christ, wives can get stuck in the aftermath of such devastation. Our pain and wounds can lead to mindsets that we don't even realize we have. If we do not completely surrender our broken hearts to Christ, the pain can begin to produce fruit in our lives that is totally opposite from our initial intentions.
Think about this...do you secretly consider yourself a "martyr" for Christ for giving grace to your husband and not leaving him? Do you feel like your husband "owes" you something because you chose to stay with him even though he did not deserve it? Could it be that you are emotionally creating an unfaithful heart towards your husband by making an idol out of your "sacrifice" to stay married to him? I am only asking these things, sweet friend, because these are the very things that God brought to my attention not too long ago. Tough stuff, I know! Can I tell you that these are very dangerous mindsets? SO, how can you tell if, in your heart of hearts, these mindsets may have taken root? It is really simple...by your fruit.
We have another idea for a video and we need your help!
Since you helped us make "Freedom Is" such a success, we decided to ask you for more ideas.
We want to create a video about “SAFE PLACES.”
Where do you go to find unconditional acceptance, love, forgiveness, and accountability?
We want to use real thoughts from real people(don’t worry, we will keep your name anonymous).
So, the question we want you to answer is:
WHAT IS YOUR “SAFE PLACE?”
Please respond in the comment box below.
Thank you so much for your help!