Sex is beautiful. Sex is good. Sex is created to be enjoyable. Sex is God's idea and creation, so how could it be anything but glorious?
When mankind pursues it in any fashion other than God designed it, it's bad, perverse, and wrong. Period.
"You will not surely die" is the most deadly lie ever told and believed. Eve bought the lie and Adam failed to defend his wife and thus "through one man" did sin and death enter the world.
In this failure of Adam his marriage to Eve was damaged. Sex that was intended to be perfect, sinless and undefiled was made vulnerable to a sinful mankind and our choices. And bad ones we've made.
Shame makes it's debut as well.
The Garden Variety Lie of Today
Pornography is the Garden of Eden lie of Satan to the world today. It's a lie against marriage, the family and seeks to kill and destroy what God created to be perfect. That being the relationship between man and woman and the family they were told to create, and "fill the earth" with.
The proponents of porn would tell us that it enhances sex in your marriage. That's a lie. It cheapens it. It presents it as violent, demeaning and nothing more than lust filled activity that is void of intimacy and true love.
That is NOT what God created sex to be.
Porn makes sex all about self-gratification at the expense of the other.
Porn makes sex as disposable as the napkin you use in a fast food restaurant.
The Holy Truth
Have you thought of sex with your wife, as holy?
Pastor Matt Chandler, in his study The Mingling of Souls, puts it this way.
Sex is holy—it is meant to remind us of the God who gave it to us, who takes joy in union with his people. We don’t need to overspiritualize sex to see it this way; we just need to approach it the way the Bible ordained and be grateful for it. Seeing sex as holy will also help us love our spouses more greatly. Gary Thomas wrote:
“Sex is about the physical touch, to be sure, but it is about far more than physical touch. It is about what is going on inside us. Developing a fulfilling sex life means I concern myself more with bringing generosity and service to bed than with bringing washboard abdomens. It means I see my wife as a holy temple of God, not just as a tantalizing human body. It even means that sex becomes a form of physical prayer—a picture of heavenly intimacy that rivals the shekinah glory of old.”
The day I finally understood this principle quite literally changed my life. It changed how I viewed my wife sexually, spiritually and intimately. As odd as this may sound, we don't just connect physically, but at a soul level during our most physically intimate times.
This realization changed our marriage in a powerful way.
I cannot describe the depth of the connection in mere words. And that is because it's divine and who am I to attempt to explain God at that depth?
Restoration is a Journey
This piece of the article could really be a post all it's own. I may do just do that in the near future.
The battle to restore the divine intimacy in your marriage, or like me, find it in the first place, will be a tough fight.
Worth it? In spades and then some!
Here are some steps you can take to begin the process.
You cannot achieve this kind of intimacy with your spouse if you are still actively using pornography. It's skewing your thinking and separating from God.
If your watching pornography - Stop and get some accountability. If you don't know what to do, or who to turn to, contact me, or checkout our "Resources" page for help!
By: Dan Wobschall
Quite literally every decision, conflict, battle and resolution to life's situations, begin and end in the mind.
Therefore, if you and I are to walk in purity with Christ and honor our wives, children and above all else, God, don't you think we should be on a vigilant watch over what we introduce our minds and thought life to? (might be a run-on sentence, but oh well)
Here's just a couple of verses of New Testament scripture on the subject.
Mark 12:30 "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength."
2 Corinthians 10:5 "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."
Romans 12:2 "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."
I could stop here and let us ruminate on these verses. In fact, do that. Read them over a couple of times. Digest them a bit before moving on.
The brain performs an incredible number of tasks including the following:
All of these tasks are coordinated, controlled and regulated by an organ that is about the size of a small head of cauliflower. And it does this 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year and never shuts off to rest!
Understanding a small bit of the science behind the mind gives us a pretty good insight on the power of the mind. It also tells us that we need to care for this body organ quite well. So, 'take captive every thought' to protect yourself from letting creeping crud enter your mind.
Be mindful (pun intended) of what you watch, read, listen to, and think about. Everything you take in via your senses affects how you view the world around you. The avenues from which we receive information are nearly endless. From newspapers to the highest of tech methods to intake news, entertainment, music and you name it.
Old but true
As the old saying goes, accurately so, garbage in - garbage out. Out of our mouths come that which dwells in the heart and mind. What dwells in the heart in mind is what the mind receives and we feed it.
What kind of mind food are you feeding on today?
The Mind on Porn
The neural pathways of the brain are much like roads that take us to and from places, with the option of a few to choose from to make the journey. And the shortest path or most familiar roads are often what we choose. We're familiar with that road. We know it well.
So it goes, as we create pathways of thought and behavior in the mind.
Neuroscience Speaks: How Using Porn Destroys Your Willpower
Neuroscience now knows that willpower is a function of the prefrontal lobes of the brain. Scientific studies have also confirmed that using porn over and over actually reshapes these areas of the brain, literally eroding our willpower and our moral compass.
Neuroscientists call it hypofrontality. Hypofrontality is a state in which there is decreased blood flow to the prefrontal lobes of the brain. Hypofrontality is observed in schizophrenia patients, and is also observed in all manner of addictions.
What is Hypofrontality? In his book, The Porn Circuit, Sam Black explains what hypofrontality is for the porn viewer.
“Compulsiveness is a good descriptor of hypofrontality. Many porn users feel focused on getting to porn and masturbating even when a big part of them is saying, ‘Don’t do this.’ Even when negative consequences seem imminent, impulse control is too weak to battle the cravings.”
The porn-addicted brain has trouble thinking logically. When impulses and desires come from the midbrain, instead of being moderated, the brain feels these desires as compelling needs. The prefrontal region is supposed to be able to weigh consequences and situations and judiciously shut down cravings, but hypofrontality means the addict’s ability to do this is impaired.
To the addict, when the craving for porn surfaces, their whole body gears up for action. As unhindered hormones are released and neurotransmitters fire, the craving consumes them. The heart begins to race, blood pressure rises, and the addict is consumed by a single thought: “Just one more time.”
Speaking from experience
Changing my thought processes was the single hardest part of recovery from my porn addictiveness. My ability to think logically about sexual needs, desires and behaviors went out the window when the impulses were running with a head of steam.
The addictive pornography behavior cost me valuable, unretrievable time lost away from my wife and children.
What I found myself capable of thinking, watching, saying and doing on the internet is today scary and honestly sickening. Yet I did them over and over and over again, seeking relief from the very pain the behavior was bringing me.
How to break the cycle
Just how do we abandon the old pathway of thinking and build new ones? That's a huge question with multiple correct answers. See the three verses at the beginning of this post, and start there. Here are a few others:
We are and will become a product of our own self imposed mental environment. That is truth and fact. Choose wisely.
Finally, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (Philippians 4:8)
Sources for this article:
When you hold your marriage up to a mirror what do you see? What should you see?
The image I pray to see is that of the image of Christ and his relationship to the church. He set the example for us to follow. Unselfish sacrificial love and devotion is the height of the bar.
The book of Ephesians in chapter 5 puts it in God's words. Some of the words your about to read have fueled our culture to become quite upset. Sometimes the truth is hard to take, but it's still the truth.
Here we go. Eph 5: 22-24 "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything."
What proceeds verse 22 in 21 is this; "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."
Ok, husbands pay attention. God has a command for us. Eph 5:25-27 "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless."
Nearly 12 million people in America today fight a sexual addiction, according to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. Pornography is recognized as an addiction in the counseling and psychological community. It has been treated similarly by Alcoholics Anonymous since the late 1970’s.
Addictions are labeled as diseases and disorders by the medical community. I’m not writing this to dispute those labels, but to speak to what my experience and education by said experience has taught me about addiction. And in particular, my (past) addiction to pornography (sexual addiction).
Pornography in and of itself is sin. Therefore, a pornography addiction is sinful. The bible teaches us this in 1 Corinthians 6:18 “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.” Galatians 5:19 “The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery;”