Dear sister, there are two relationships in which you WILL respond to, day in and day out, as you try to make sense of the pain you are experiencing. Your response to God and obviously, your response to your husband. The good news is if we recognize the first and are intentional about our perceptions, then our responses to both relationships will be what will help navigate our wounded hearts toward the healing that God has for us.
The truth is, your response towards God and your husband is a reflection of your belief in God's love for you and His promises for your life. Ouch! Did you get that? Tough stuff! I am still trying to wrap my mind around it. What I am seeing in my own life is a woman who's responses have not lined up with who she claims to be...ugh! Sounds like a heart probelm to me! Not pretty!! This revelation has really challenged me in EVERY area of my life.
It seems like on the onslaught of pain, the enemy tries to give us a dose of amnesia when it comes to WHO we KNOW our God is and WHO we are in Him. We become so consumed with our pain and every detail of our husband's choices that nothing else seems to matter. Not only are our hearts broken but our mind becomes the enemy's battleground to cause further damage. He takes advantage of every opportunity to destroy TRUTH with LIES.
God has stopped me in my tracks and asked, do YOU trust me? So, I am asking you...DO YOU TRUST HIM? All those precious promises in His Word, do you believe them NOW? Will you cry and pour out your heart to Him? Will you grab on to Him and allow HIM to comfort you? Are you going to believe His Word and CLING to His promises even though your world seems to have fallen apart? Believe me, I know it is easier to give into our flesh and turn away...to allow our brokenness to bring a black cloud of hopelessness and despair. BUT can I encourage you to NOT turn away but to run towards the only ONE who can bring peace to your chaos. His word tells us he is CLOSE to the brokenhearted. That would mean YOU. That would mean ME. He is right there with you. He is closer to you now than ever. He sees your tears, He knows your pain. Dear sister, knowing this will do you no good if you do not allow this knowledge to make a difference in how you respond! You must choose to walk through your time of brokenness in faith that He is Who He says He is and that you are who He says you are! Without those two TRUTHS settled in your heart the enemy has a wide open door to take what you are going through and destroy, or at the very least, hinder you from receiving God's love for you and the healing and wholeness He desires to give you. You don't have to go around the same mountain as I have, with the same responses to your brokenness and wonder in the wilderness of emotional chaos. God has a better way!
Determine in your heart, first in foremost, that you WILL believe ALL the TRUTHS about God that you believed before the betrayal and the pain. Because the TRUTH is, my friend, those TRUTHS have not changed...it is only your perspective that has changed. The awesome thing is, in God's Kingdom, you will learn even MORE about Him and His amazing love and grace as you allow Him to walk with you through your brokenness.
One trick-thought and LIE the enemy will try to get you to believe is that if you respond maturely to this situation that your husband will think that what he did was okay. I have had those same thoughts and I can tell you....that is NOT truth and more importantly.... it does not really matter what your husband thinks. Surrender him to God and let the Holy Spirit deal with Him. What You need is God. You need His direction and His wisdom. You need His grace. Just because you don't rant and rave and allow your emotions to run rampant does NOT mean you are condoning your husband's choices or that you will not allow there to be any consequences. It just means that you know Who you are in Christ and that the promises God has given in His Word have not changed because your husband betrayed you.
Please, dear sister, don't sin because your husband has sinned. Yes, it would be understandable, and yes I have did my share but it did not change the fact that my husband had hurt our relationship. AND it did NOTHING to help my brokenness and my heart to heal. This is tough stuff, but please hear me out. Are you going to attack your husband with your words and degrade his person? Are you going to let your anger control you? DO NOT believe the enemy's lies when he tells you that you have every right to act like the "devil" because your husband has betrayed you by looking at porn. NO!!!! That is not TRUTH. When you gave your heart to Jesus, you gave up those rights. OUCH...I told you this was tough! This is where the rubber meets the road, my friend. This is when the depth of your faith will rise to the surface. DO NOT MISUNDERSTAND ME.....I am not talking about being a door mat and enabling your husband, but quite the opposite.
You are the daughter of the Almighty God. You have it in you to be strong, courageous, and empowered by your God-given strength and dignity! In other words, you have ALL you need within you to rise above the yuck that betrayal brings to your heart. Anger, pain, shock, sadness, etc. are all real and natural feelings due to what has happened. However, these emotions do not have to control you! You can walk as the beloved daughter of God that you are EVEN in the midst of being broken and wounded. Sister, IN Christ we CAN do this! Please hear me out and stay with me. This has taken me YEARS to see but you can be different! You can start NOW and walk through your toughest, most difficult seasons experiencing emotional freedom because of the super-natural power of the God that you serve.
Ladies, this is an ongoing process of transformation. It won't happen overnight. SO many of us are used to responding to others and situations according to our emotions instead of God's TRUTHS. We must refuse to be double-minded by saying we trust God but then responding as if we don't. We have made many excuses for it from hormones to the "devil made me do it". You and I do not have to be victims to our circumstances and stuck in emotional bondage. We can surrender our painful circumstances and emotions to the super natural control of God. As we do this, our hearts WILL change, our attitudes WILL change and how we respond Will change. I want that for my own life, how about you?
All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful. Psalm 25:10
Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us...
My soul waits silently for God alone, for my expectation is from Him.
In the mutlitude of my anxieties within me, your comforts delight my soul.
Written by: Mindy Adams