Why God? Haven't I done what I was supposed to do?
Why this? Haven't I faithfully attended church and served in ministry?
Why now? Haven't I fasted, prayed, and read your Word?
Why me? Haven't I pleased you Lord by living like a christian woman should?
Why MY marriage? Haven't I been a Godly wife?
Why MY husband? Haven't I prayed SO many prayers for him and over him?
Why God? Why didn't you stop him?
Sound familiar? Chances are, you are reading this blog because you have found out about your husband's addiction to porn. Chances are, at some point you have shouted these questions to God. I have too. It's okay, my friend, because God can handle it. BUT, maybe we need to look a little deeper and examine the root of these questions and our belief system.
Why? Because these questions and mindsets can lead us to a place of huge disappointment and skewed thinking if left unchecked. A place where bitterness and self-pity can accumulate in the cracks of our broken hearts. I have cried out with the same questions before in my own life. Somewhere, behind these kind of questions is where the truth really lies, the truth that maybe we feel like God owes us something. There I said it. Doesn't sound very christianeese, does it?
Let's just be honest. We may not say it or even realize it..... but secretly, deep down, we think and hope that because we are doing all the things that indicate we are followers of Jesus that we will be exempt from hurtful things happening to us. That somehow all of our spiritual "works" will protect us from pain and suffering this side of heaven. Believing that if we say all the right prayers our husbands will not fail us or betray us. I have been guilty. The times I discovered my husband looking at porn would sometimes bring disappointment and even anger towards God. I felt gypped. It just wasn't fair. I was so angry when my picture perfect world came crumbling down. As a Godly wife, my life was supposed to be the "blessed life", NOT the "broken life" that I was experiencing.
Somewhere in the darkness of our brokenness, we are forced to come to terms with WHY we follow Jesus and WHY we do what we do. Are we trying to earn brownie points with our Creator like we try to do so many times in our earthly relationships? Do we do what we do mainly for the benefits and blessings? Christ asks us, Do you love me for Who I am OR for what I can do for you? You may be thinking, well of course I love Him for WHO He is but think about it. The last time your prayers weren't answered the way YOU thought they should be, how did you respond? Were you angry at God? Did you blame Him for your pain? Did you throw a fit, pout, and pull away from him like a child who doesn't get his way? Did you start rehearsing in your mind all the "things" you did for Him, the sacrifices you made, and wonder why you deserved the pain you were feeling?? Ouch!!!! I think most of us have done this. But I believe God desires for us to mature to a place where we love Him and trust Him period. Even if your husband never gives up porn...even if your marriage is not restored. Will you still love Him or will you be bitter and blame Him? Can you love Him with no strings attached? Can you serve Him without ulterior motives? To put this in perspective, think about Job. Go back and read it again. This man experienced MORE pain and MORE heartbreak than we could ever imagine. However, In Job1:22 the Word says "in all this Job sinned not nor charged God foolishly." Can the same be said for us?
When we were first captivated by the love of Jesus, it was so easy to just love Him. Remember those days, when you couldn't stop talking about Him? His amazing Grace overwhelmed us. We received His love and accepted His forgiveness from the ugly mess that we had made of our lives. Nothing could quench our heart's desire to please Him and serve Him. SO what happened?
If we are not careful, as time goes by and life happens, our relationship with Him turns into routine. We take Him for granted and we lose our "first love" for him and move to a "this is what I expect from you" kind of relationship. Then, when bad things happen, similar questions like I listed above, become our focus and we end up distancing ourselves from the only ONE who can bring healing to our broken hearts. We forget how far he has brought us. We forget that His plans and purposes are so much higher than our ways. We forget that this journey isn't all about us but about His Kingdom. We forget about the horrific price that was paid for you and for me on an old wooden cross.
Dear friend, I know you know this, but let me remind you. God gave us the most precious GIFT when he gave His only begotten Son. If He never did another thing for us, that act of LOVE was enough! But guess what? He not only gave us the gift of eternal life through His Son Jesus, but as His daughters, He gave us the gift of the Holy Spirit. Because of Him, we are NOT alone on our journey to our eternal home. We have His presence living on the inside of us to comfort, lead, guide, teach, protect, convict, heal, guard, equip, empower, and seal us as His very own. How awesome is that?
So when life seems unfair and your heart is left broken, just remember...you and I have been given everything we need to overcome and to press on towards ALL that God has for us. Our lives may not look like what we would have planned, but we were never promised a life on this earth free of pain and brokenness. Actually, in 1 Corinthians 7:28 God's word tells us that those who marry WILL face many troubles. Never heard that preached at a wedding, have you? Not too popular, I am sure. Though it may not sound encouraging it is TRUTH. Thanks be to Jesus, there is HOPE, because HE is with us. He takes EVERYTHING that we experience and uses it for GOOD in our lives. Nothing is wasted!
Maybe the questions should be why NOT me? Why NOT my marriage? Why do I think that my life is somehow so special that I am exempt from the pains that this journey of life brings to believers and unbelievers, alike? After all, even Jesus went through difficult, painful, times. Believe me, your husband is NOT the only one who has had an addiction to pornography. Your marriage is not the ONLY marriage that has experienced brokenness. Even the ones you see before you that seem so healthy have not avoided pain and difficulty. Ask any couple who has been married for a while...they will have messy stories to tell. Of course, the enemy would have you believe otherwise so that you feel hopeless in your own situation. Don't believe his lies.
This holiday season, won't you join me and examine your own heart and think about why you are doing what you are doing? Has your service and obedience to the Lord turned into religious work in which you expect "payment" in return? If God never answered another prayer, would you STILL love Him and live for Him? Will you trust HIM? Will you love Him and be faithful to Him no matter what comes your way? These are questions that are good to consider BEFORE the bad things happen. Can you just love Jesus and be obedient to Him not because of what you can get but because He LOVES you and has redeemed you. Yes, being His daughter brings MANY blessings but we will ALL experience pain and brokenness, as well. You will find, He is the SAME God during the painful seasons as He is in the painless seasons. What about your love for Him? Is it the same in good times as well as bad? OR do you distance yourself from Him and blame Him for your brokenness? Dear sister, there are blessings to be found in BOTH seasons. Don't stop praying. Don't stop believing in faith for good things. Don't stop seeking, but seek His heart MORE than His blessings. He will never fail you. Yes, there may be more painful seasons, more struggles, more difficulties, BUT there will also be MORE Grace and your heart will begin to look MORE like His as you walk with Him day in and day out. Isn't that what we really desire as His beloved daughter's above all else? I know I do, and I believe you do, too!
A righteous man (or woman) may have many troubles, but the lord delivers him (her) from them all.
His divine power has given us everything we need for life and Godliness through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness.
2 Peter 1:3
Consider it pure joy, my brothers (sisters) whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know the testing of your faith develops perseverance.
And we know that ALL things work together for good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purposes.
"Mature faith does not live by answers to prayer but by prayer." R.E.O. White
Written by: Mindy Adams