My husband admitted to me that he was addicted to porn almost 4yrs ago and he is just now finally seeking help. I've spent the last 4 yrs trying to do everything I can to make life easier for him so he wont look at the stuff. Im frustrated and weary. I've blamed myself. The only thing that has kept me from walking out the door would be my relationship with Jesus and my 4 children. I'm hurt and I feel guilty. Actually my husband has accused me many times of not forgiving him but its not true. I have asked Jesus time and time again to take the pain away so I can fully be there for my husband. I've tried to push my pain aside for his but all I have felt in return is that Jesus cares more about my husbands pain than mine. I know its not true and I have been seeking counseling and Im going to continue bc I really want to move on with my life and not let this addiction consume me everyday of my life. Does anyone else know how that feels?
In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your path. Iam clinging to this promise .. right now I can not see the path I am to take because of the pain I feel. I have lived with a sex addicted spouse for the past 7 years, in the beginning I would excuse his behavior and ignore it, thinking it was just this once. But the truth is, it has evolved into much bigger issue .. He doesnt believe he has done anything wrong as he has not touched another woman, and yet in my heart I feel the same betrayal as if he has. Am I wrong to feel that way? Is it excuseable behavior because a man is stimulated by sight?
I dont know how to fix this, and I dont know that he wants to stop doing this. He claims he does but then he slips right back into it.
I do not know what to do ? How can I help him or save my marriage when it hurts me so badly?
Please help .. even if its just prayers ..
I have been struggling with porn since I was in 5th grade and found my Dad's stash of Playboy magazines. Ever since then I have fought the addiction and tried to overcome it and have failed even more, into more porn, harder and more twisted porn all out of the need for the rush. Last year I was riddled with demons and cheated on my spouse. I need your prayers, and I need forgiveness if there even is any for me.
Lord Jesus, please, please, please forgive me. I know this isn't life and I want out. I want to overcome these demons who hold my brain captive and I am tired of being chained to there sin. Please Lord Jesus if you are willing forgive me, set free and show me how to live for you and truly live, not this sick joke of life that I am stuck in.