How to introduce the personal tool kit to a person

My husband and I are going through a trying time in our marriage. I have considered leaving but at the same time I am just not ready to give up on him. I have confronted him about his activities on the computer and the activities at night while everyone is asleep. I have seen with my own eyes the sites he has been on, profiles that have been made and I caught him in the act many of nights when he thought i was sleeping and when asked what he was doing all he could say is nothing,you dont know what you saw,i never heard of it, i dont know who it could be wasn't me and many more. He has finally admitted to all of the above mentioned when I asked him one night about an email account i find on my computer and he tried to deny it until i told him that this email account and his primary email account were linked together and i found and was able to long onto one of his profiles that had all of his credentials and what he was looking for. At first he didn't want to believe me and tried to give me the same excuse until i told him i would log on to the profile and email account and let him see for himself and he didn't want me to. He told me he would seek counseling through his job but only a little effort has been made and the pamphlet still layes on my kitchen table where he can see it and it has been there since he brought it home and he said he could quit cold turkey and he has strong will power to stay away. I have started my personal counselling with my minister to help me with the healing process of my hurt and betrayal and the forgiveness that i need to allow in my heart so i can be ready to be there for him when he chooses to believe he has an addiction and that he needs some guidance through this. So now there is my story and here is my question, I have purchased the personal tool kit ater watching the promo video and i found it for me very very helpful. If my husband feels there is nothing wrong, everything will blow over without any help of any kind and i just need to get over it. What will be the best way to introduce this personal tool kit to him and how will i ask him to do it with me? I dont know how to go about any of it any suggestions would be appreciated and helpful.




4 Comments

Anonymous

March 18, 2013

I will pray that the Holy Spirit will really go to work on both of your husbands as they will have to want to be free of this themselves. The prayers of a spouse and friends along with the Holy Spirit can see mighty results.

The saying is that you can lead a horse to water, but that you can not make him drink…well, if you feed him enough salt, he will eventually drink.

May the salt of prayer and of the Holy Spirit make your husbands thirsty.

BunnyGirl

March 18, 2013

I never dreamed I would be saying this about my husband or my marriage, but I completely understand and know right where you are. I too do not want to just “give up” on him, and yet he isnt willing to accept his actions are wrong or understand the betrayal that I feel. One of the statements in the book I am reading said – I can not slay a dragon that isnt mine – and that is what this is. It is “Their” dragon .. and we have to heal the wound it has caused us before we can help them. God wants us to give the same forgiveness , grace and mercy to our husbands as He gives us. I will include you in my prayers, that we have the strength, courage and wisdom to follow God’s will in our lives, no matter what that path may be.

indiangal78

March 18, 2013

I really do appreciate your comment and any advice,comments or ideas are always welcome. I found it hard for me to find forgiveness towards my husband. i was reading an article about forgiveness and i realized it was something i had to do for myself to let go and it even said it will be hard to forget but forgiving is something to do so i am no longer a victim.

Its going to be hard but like i said i am just not ready to give up. I was told to today I am fighting a battle I am not going to win because its not my battle to fight. If he chooses to fight this battle I want to be on the other side to see him conquer this.

I would like for people to help me pray for him that he will understand that he is not the only one out there with this type of addiction and that one day he will believe he has an addiction and to seek to some kind of counciling.

Thank you for your advice and like i said anything at this point is welcomed and appreciated.

Anonymous

March 18, 2013

First let me say, I am glad that you have started personal counseling. That is a very mature thing to do.

Pornography is very addictive. Literally and physically. Cold turkey quitting and strong will power sounds good, but if it were so, he would have quit. It appears a lot of denial is going on.

Sadly, if a person does not want help…they will not get help. Because of the addictive nature of porn, it is a struggle even if one does want help. But, because this is not only a physical battle, but more importantly, a spiritual battle…there is hope, healing, and restoration available.

Now, how do you introduce the Personal ToolKit?

One idea might be to let your husband know how this behavior hurts you, and would he, therefore, go through the Personal ToolKit with you…for you?

Maybe you would like to introduce the Personal ToolKit as an educational tool you could go through together to better understand this stronghold.

You will probably need to have a conversation about this, and I recommend you bathe that conversation in prayer before it occurs.

One thing…even though it may be difficult…try not to be accusatory and condemning. Please try to show grace and mercy. This is not to excuse his behavior, but it is to create an environment of change.

Again, I am not excusing anything, and I do not know the interactions you have had. I do not know how long you have been addressing this issue with him. So, I am flying a bit blind here. I am just hoping for an environment where change can occur.

This is usually a process. And, if the person does not want help…they will not change. But, if they do want help…change will occur with commitment and God.

I pray that the Holy Spirit will do a work in your husband’s life that will make him so miserable in this lustful lifestyle, that he will seek the Lord with all of his heart. This is a work only the Holy Spirit can do.

There is probably much more to say, and I welcome the input of others, but I hope this will at least be a starting point, and that the Lord will begin to do a mighty work in both of your lives, and that your marriage will come through closer and stronger than even before. That is my prayer for you.

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