Living with a Sex/Porn addicted Spouse

In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your path. Iam clinging to this promise .. right now I can not see the path I am to take because of the pain I feel. I have lived with a sex addicted spouse for the past 7 years, in the beginning I would excuse his behavior and ignore it, thinking it was just this once. But the truth is, it has evolved into much bigger issue .. He doesnt believe he has done anything wrong as he has not touched another woman, and yet in my heart I feel the same betrayal as if he has. Am I wrong to feel that way? Is it excuseable behavior because a man is stimulated by sight?

I dont know how to fix this, and I dont know that he wants to stop doing this. He claims he does but then he slips right back into it.

I do not know what to do ? How can I help him or save my marriage when it hurts me so badly?

Please help .. even if its just prayers ..
Thank you
~Linda




3 Comments

Anonymous

March 18, 2013

This will not answer all of your questions, but it may be a start. You may also want to see a Christian counselor to discuss what is going on in your life.

That said, here are a few thoughts.

Yes, men are generally stimulated by visual images. And, pornography (those visual images) are very addictive. Extremely so, like a drug. Literally. So, your husband may really want to stop, but the addiction is overwhelming him. That is possible.

However, the part that bothers me is that you say he does not feel he has done anything wrong since he has not physically touched another woman. Does your husband profess to be a Christian believer? If so, what does he do with the multitude of verses in the Bible that talk about the sin of lust? What does he do with the verses that speak of honoring his wife when he knows that this behavior hurts you?

I am not judging, because I do not know his thoughts. I am just asking.

If he really wants to stop, it is possible. If he really does not want to stop, well…he won’t.

The addictive nature of pornography makes it a battle when one does want to stop. If one does not want to stop? They won’t.

But, this is not only a physical battle. More so…it is a spiritual battle. So, again, there is hope.

I pray that your husband really does want to change. If not, I pray that the Holy Spirit will convict him and work on him so that he does want to change. I also pray that God will give you wisdom and courage. And, I pray you will find the correct mature Christian friend or counselor to support you in prayer and with practical ideas.

I pray your husband will have the wisdom and the courage to go with you.

With all temptation, according to the Bible, there is a way of escape. I pray that your husband will truly want that and will take the escape when this temptation and stronghold strikes.

Freedom Begins Here has tools to help the individual struggling and to inform the spouse struggling as well. It is the Personal ToolKit. Also, this website.

There is hope. There is help. Restoration is possible. If the person wants it. Again, I pray that your husband truly does and that, indeed, the Lord will direct your path.

I highly recommend talking to a pastor or Christian counselor. I pray that the Lord will direct you to the proper one.

In the meantime, our prayers are with you, and I hope others will comment to you, as well.

BunnyGirl

March 18, 2013

Thank you for your thoughts and wisdom. They validated everything that I have been thinking. He was not raised a in a christian home as I was, however his parents started attending church during his teen years. I believe that he knows the truth but in his heart he has not truly changed. He prayed a prayer once and believes that is all he needs to do for salvation. He truly doesnt understand why looking is the same as touching. I have made it perfectly clear how I feel and what it does to me as his wife. On MANY occasions in the past 8 years of our relationship. I was in denial for so many years and as it grew into relationships with “real life” women via email and text messaging is when I began to confront him on the issue.

I have found a wonderful counselor .. and I have asked him about it .. His response was “whatever you need” again .. he is in denial of any responsibility of his own. He says he is sorry for how I feel and that he is trying but his actions say something completely different.

Thank You for your prayers ..

Anonymous

March 18, 2013

I will continue to pray that the Holy Spirit will really begin to go to work on your husband with His convicting power. It would seem that this is what it is going to take.

It will be up to him ultimately, but there is power in Godly prayer. We really need for God to do a miraculous and transforming work. Please Lord, go to work on this man, and please lift up and encourage his faithful and loving wife. Amen!

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