What's your greatest fear about admitting your struggle with porn?

It seems like everyone I talk to is willing to acknowledge that pornography is a problem in our society, especially in the church. Strangely enough, few of those same people are willing to admit that pornography is their problem.

Whether you are currently struggle, or have a historical battle with the addictive nature of pornography, it's time to be transparent and honest about this 800 lbs gorilla that in the room with you.

If you are concerned that a spouse is going to find out, then "man up" and talk to your spouse about it. Nothing like a little transparency and humble confession. Sure, your spouse may be really mad, disappointed, hurt, etc. What did you think she will do when you admit to looking at silicon-laded, airbrushed pics on the web? Come clean. Don't make excuses. Don't blame her. There are gonna be some consequences. But freedom for you, for your marriage, for your family, for ministry...is worth it.

Still afraid? Talk about it, right here.




16 Comments

Varlen

March 18, 2013

I have no problem talking about my pornography addiction. I have even blogged about it online, so hundreds of people know of my struggle. Several people in my church know of my addiction, including the Pastor. My only fear is that there is NOBODY who cares about me enough to help me overcome this addiction, people who would contact me to find out how I’m doing. I don’t have a wife whom I can talk to, and I don’t have any close friends, who can help keep me accountable. I am isolated and all alone.

Tyler

March 18, 2013

Varlen, you are not alone! Though you may feel alone, but you’re not! The thing about porn addiction is that it’s isolating.

Check out Jimmy Needham’s video, http://www.freedombeginshere.org/videos/jimmy-needham , he thought he was alone too. I’m sure you won’t have to look very far to find someone that is also feeling like they’re the only one going through this. Perhaps someone feeling the same way would make a great accountability partner.

Brent

March 18, 2013

I agree with you Sned and I think it is a matter of people worrying about other people rather than God. If people really lived transparent lives we would be much more effective for the kingdom.

Freedom is worth the hardship of admitting where you stand. Please consider talking with someone and start on the road to freedom.

pjrey

March 18, 2013

I know how Varlen feels. I have tried to talk with some of the leadership in my church and they have “shared” some of the my hurts with other people in the church and they have gotten back to me. I call that gossip and that hurts. So then who do you go to if you can’t go to the leadership of the church.
I have gone to the leadership to discuss porn and its affects and they could not understand how anyone could get addicted to anything like porn. I have convinced them to allow me to share this with the congragation so please pray for me but they still seem closed to the need for sharing this in our church.
My fear is that now one will be there to help me if I came clean. I look around the different websites for help and should be able to go to friends and church but am so affraid of what they might say or not say.

flathillfarm

March 18, 2013

I really don’t mind admitting that I have a problem with Porn, but probably because I have already amditted it to my wife, and nearly lost my marriage over it. My fear is in maintaining purity. There are lots of resources out there to help people begin their journey to purity, but not a lot to help someone maintain that purity they fought for. I have been fighting my addiction for three years now, and attending a ForMenOnly group this whole time. Currently, I am leading my group through the Freedom Begins Here material (small group pack) in hopes of getting the encouragement I need for long term healthyness.

One of my friends has been kicked out of two churches because he admitted his problem with sexual addiction, and the church membership could not handle it. A lot of long-term christians just can’t understand how Porn can capture a man’s soul, so they assume it means the person is evil. That’s the hardest stigma to overcome. So, I guess my greatest fear is people thinking I am evil. I am not evil, I am a recovering addict, and I need grace, love, and emotional support to stay sober.

flathillfarm

March 18, 2013

…. which, by the way, I got very little of from my wife. She was so offended by my addiction that she insisted I go cold turkey, but was unwilling to lift me up or support me in any way … this was MY problem.

I smiled a bit and laughed when I heard the stories on the DVD about the wives who fought for their marriages and stood by their husbands, becuase that was not my experience. I think my experience is more typical, so any of your guys who have a supportive wife … count your blessings dude!!!!!!!

Convicted0923

March 18, 2013

I thought I would share here. I just joined this site a few minutes ago. I have struggled with porn for a long time,sometimes the urges go dormant but they always come back. Last week, my employer suspended me for viewing porn on my company computer. The company is deciding whether I will be fired. I had to tell my wife—I came clean—but too late. She has not decided if she will stay. Both my wife and employer have told me that had I come clean and admitted I had a problem before they found out, they would have gladly helped me. As it is…… Please pray for me. I have ruined my life. Do not ruin yours, admit your problem to your wife ask her in love for her help. She will be mad but not as mad if you lie to her. She probably already knows.

Pat

March 18, 2013

Hey as of late I was talking to young man that is struggling with sin, and for some reason I told him life story of sin. I felt ashamed to be honest, he told me " hey you look ashamed of what you’ve done Pat". And truthfully I was. I hid my sexual sins for so long. As for Church I tried so hard to speak to my Pastor about but seems to me he doesn’t want to have meeting about it. Maybe because I came from another church I don’t know. in addition there are so many problems at my church. Sometimes I feel scared to tell people because I seen the veil reactions of it. Guys I’m being honest here. I seen people cast out of church. Thats why I have been from church to church. I’m tired of running and its time face it!

Rick

March 18, 2013

The Church in general has been very bad about the way they have treated those dealing with this issue, especially considering the % of church members who actually deal with this themselves. Very Hypocritical!! Many pastors, not all, ignore this issue because they are struggling with it themselves. Or because they don’t want to be “controversial”. That is not right, but it happens. So, I understand your fear.

Thankfully, there are many churches beginning to deal honestly and openly about this issue due to the sheer number of Christians caught up in this, especially because of the Internet.

I pray that you find a church that has humble and honest and real leadership that is full of mercy, grace, forgiveness, and restoration. A church that is a safe place for you to stop running. They do exist.

I also pray that the Lord will lead you to a true friend who you can open up to and share your struggle. I pray they will be there for you to hold you accountable and to lift you up. Those friends are rare as well. But, they do exist.

The Personal ToolKit would be of help as well if you do not already have it. It will help you to chart a course of action.

Please do let the running stop. Be a force for change in the church you decide on. Maybe you are the leader others have been looking for. Let freedom begin!

Anonymous

March 18, 2013

I am so very greatful that this ministry has been started through the obedience of a true man of God.Yes,porn and sexual addiction is more of a problem than people want to see.I have suffered greatly because of this spirit.In my particular case,the enemy used the church as the safe place because the church leaders would not listen.They were too busy trying to grow!My daughter was taken advantage of by the praise and worship leader.At the time she was only 17 and he was 29.I tried to talk to the pasture about what I discerned,but he didn,t believe me.A few months later my daughter wound up pregnant.Through this,it was found out that many other young girls were taken advantage of through the same vessel.God has blessed me with a beautiful grandson and my daughter is a wonderful mother.Because of this event we all quit attending the church all together.It just seemed to me that the church did not want to address issues of this nature.I really am greatful for the courage you guys have displayed in bringing this to the light.Keep up the good work!

Anonymous

March 18, 2013

Another unfortunate situation is the fact that everyone seems to think this is only a man’s problem. I once summoned the courage to walk into a church treatment group designed to help those struggling with pornography and as soon as I walked in the room I was met with hostile stares and questions. I got te message; “you don’t belong here.” I appologized quickly and got the heck out of there! I haven’t been back.

Rick

March 18, 2013

You are correct! Many assume it is only a man’s problem. But, the latest surveys we have seen indicate that over 30% of Christian women now admit to struggling in this area. There is an article in the October 2009 edition of “Home Life” magazine, a LifeWay publication, titled “Hooked On A Feeling” on pages 48-50 that addresses this issue very well. You may also want to do some research on Marnie Ferree who is a lady who struggled in the area of sexual addiction and now teaches about it. I hope this is helpful.

“Dear brothers and sisters, if another is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself. Share each others troubles and problems, and in this way obey the law of Christ. If you think you are too important to help someone in need, you are only fooling yourself. You are really a nobody.” Galatians 6:1-3 NLT

Rick

March 18, 2013

You are correct! Many assume it is only a man’s problem. But, the latest surveys we have seen indicate that over 30% of Christian women now admit to struggling in this area. There is an article in the October 2009 edition of “Home Life” magazine, a LifeWay publication, titled “Hooked On A Feeling” on pages 48-50 that addresses this issue very well. You may also want to do some research on Marnie Ferree who is a lady who struggled in the area of sexual addiction and now teaches about it. I hope this is helpful.

“Dear brothers and sisters, if another is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself. Share each others troubles and problems, and in this way obey the law of Christ. If you think you are too important to help someone in need, you are only fooling yourself. You are really a nobody.” Galatians 6:1-3 NLT

Pat

March 18, 2013

Man up! Wow I agree but folks is this just for married people. I am sick and I mine sick that people just bring in the married people. What about single people, we struggle too bro! It is time that people come clean and stop separating married people and single people. We are all struggling. In addition yes we need to tell someone. It is hard, consequences, and very painful. And last I can understand that we do have differences in married and single. But this is not married world. Its all men and women who struggle.

Rick

March 18, 2013

Good point. It is not married vs. single. Temptations and struggles affect us all. It is a human issue. The most important daily relationship affected is the one between us (single or married) and God.

Dave

March 18, 2013

GOD IS STILL IN THE RESTORATION BUSINESS !

JOHN 6:37..AND HIM THAT COMETH TO ME ,I WILL IN NO WISE CAST OUT ! SURRENDER IS THE GOLDEN KEY TO HIS PRESENCE..

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