Stories

Freedom in Christ! wrote:

Be encouraged, friends! There truly is hope in Jesus Christ, and I am proof that He can heal you from your addiction. I'm a strong Christian woman who struggled with porn addiction beginning at about 13 yrs old (now I'm 33). I felt trapped by it, disgusted, ashamed. No one would've expected such a dirty thing from me, as I was the "good girl." It was a roller coaster I was on for many years. I would get away from it for a while then fall back into it again and again. I finally decided about 5 yrs ago to confide in a pastor friend. She said I was forgiven, and she loaned me a copy of the "Freedom Begins Here" book & dvd. Listening to the stories of others trapped by porn really opened my eyes to see that I was dealing with a serious and harmful addiction. That's when true healing began. I also confessed to a few other close friends who are strong Christians that I knew would help encourage & pray for me on this road. I thank God for His love, His grace, and His healing. Like other addictions, I don't know that the temptation to relapse ever truly disappears. I still struggle with the temptation on a daily basis. But now I can see clearly and I know that it's Satan trying to pull me back into his lies. That's not where I will find joy. I praise God for this clarity which helps me to make the right choice! Please, friends, don't give up this fight. It's the battlefield of the mind, and you can have victory with Christ. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phil 1:6 I love you all, and I grieve with you because I know what a struggle this is to fight against. Don't give up. Give it to God. He is able to heal you!

Bret Larrimore, Sr. wrote:

I was introduced to porn by the same man who would befriend me and then sexually molest me on his boat. I knew it excited me, was getting me the attention I needed, and was wrong. Even though I went through with it, I felt what I now know as depravity, and shame. I told no one, even though I wanted to. So I kept it inside to grow on it's own. I was 11 yrs old. Soon after came being introduced to drugs and alcohol, and a traumatic parental divorce that in one day took away my mother, who had always been there, and placed me and my siblings in the care of our father, who had hardly been there. Major abandonment issue being born. My mind and emotions were a mess, and my self degrading false beliefs confirmed I was no good. Needless to say, my sexual behaviors began to increase in both frequency and level of depravity. By the time I graduated high school, I had numerous sexual partners, of both sexes. I married my high school sweetheart and we had two wonderful kids. But we didn't know how to have an intimate relationship and we divorced. I re-married, had one daughter, and still, had no tools to use for an intimate relationship. My sexual behaviors became full addiction at this time, age 30 or so. My acting out became daily and more depraved. I was not seeking God at this time in my life either; I was mad at Him. There was no truth, only lies, and I was telling them and believing them too. I was a double minded man, living a double life. We too divorced but I was already in pursuit of the woman I thought would fix it all. Together we had the perfect family, each having three children, good jobs, the same dreams, humor, and sex drive. But this is where my depravity hit bottom. After 5 yrs of being together, 3 of them married, my business was over, I was drinking, smoking pot, and watching porn every day for hours instead of working on solving my problems. My sexual preoccupation was intense, and my fantasy life was at least equal. I began fantasizing about my step-daughter and seeing her as I did the women in the "movies". My relationship with my wife, again, was not intimate in the true sense of the word. We drifted apart, she didn't give me the attention, affirmation, or love I needed, but her daughter did. I left that home in early '08, and wanted to die. I had become the evil of which I hated. Back in '06, I gave my life over to the Lord, went to church as a family, prayed, read my Bible, went to the alter in tears, but still continued to act out. I prayed for God to cleanse me, to take it away and make me stop it all. I couldn't do it. And after a while of doing this every Sunday, and in private, He answered. I felt Him say "OK son, seems like you mean it now. Hold on because cleansing hurts, and by the way, I love you." I didn't understand this at first, but He revealed it to me later. So it came in '08 that my sins were exposed, I left home, wanted to die but God wouldn't let me, and I said I would turn myself in. My wife said they weren't ready for that yet so I waited. I lived in a storage shed for the next six months while I was waiting. I was still acting out and drinking daily. And then, after all the letters I'd written, texts I'd traded with all the kids and my wife, and all the love that was still there between us all, I was completely broken. I had drank plenty, and the hurt didn't go away. As I tasted the gun barrel and listened to the enemy scream lie after lie into my mind of why I should pull the trigger, God's whisper came even louder. I felt Him saying "No, this is not the way. Follow me, I have a better way." And then all I could hear and see were visions of happy things to come..of grand-kids, of joy, and love. So as He took the gun out of my hands, I cried uncontrollably and went outside and gave my 'nothingness' to Him again. Soon after, on a Sunday in church, He revealed Himself to me in a vision, and that day I went home from and through out all my porn...all of it. Then my eyes were opened to understand more and more of what scripture was saying. I was led by a supporting pastor to Christian Counseling, and then to a LIFE Recovery support group that the counselor just happened to lead. I soon found out about Mark Laaser's workshop and within 3 days was on a plane. That was God. Since then my life has changed dramatically. I did admit to and confess my sexual sins, was convicted of a sexual offence, spent my time in jail, and continued to seek the face of the Lord I had once seen. Today, 5 yrs from leaving that home, I am a new man. I am a new creation who knows God and has a relationship with Jesus Christ. And by His grace, I have also been given another chance to do things right and fulfill my purpose I never knew about before. Today I have a new wife, and 2 yr old son, and a new direction as a Certified Advanced Christian Life Coach specializing in Relational Improvement & Sexual Addiction Recovery. I now co-lead the same recovery support group, am involved with other recovery ministries, am associated with a Christian Counseling Center, have been on TV promoting healing from sexual sin, and will do what God has placed in my heart to do. God has proven He keeps His promises of restoration, of hope, and of a future in Him. His word is truth, and renewal can happen by being transparent, humble, and real. You too have a purpose and are loved by God, our Father.

Anonymous wrote:

Good evening. I?m here to share with you how embracing God?s love and hope is helping to transform my life. MY LIFE BEFORE: Even though I knew Jesus when I was a youngster, my life didn?t always show it. Before starting counseling, my life was reckless, out of control, misguided and going nowhere. I was into drugs, drinking, and pretty much just an ungodly lifestyle ? anything to numb myself so I couldn?t feel the pain. I recently had a very serious wake-up call. Without going into details, I?m facing criminal charges and my wife asked me to move out. I miss my wife and children terribly. I was telling myself lies that I couldn?t do anything to change my life. I told myself I couldn?t make my life move in a different direction. In hind sight, I was running from being molested as a child by an uncle (and by the way, this was also the start of my addiction to porn ? the tool he used to seduce his victims). I continued to run and keep the secret for more than 30 years, but God was there waiting for me when I hit a wall, stopped running and came back to Him. MY LIFE DURING: When I finally reached out for help, I found New Hope?s ministry. Counseling is helping me in many ways - talking with someone and reading what my counselor suggested. My reading list: #1 was the Bible and then other titles related to my issues. I?m learning that I am not alone or the only one with these issues. The books are helping me understand what I?m going through and helping me heal from the scars of my abuse. I?m learning the depth of the affect the abuse has on my mind. In counseling, we figured out that music is the connection to my soul - how I connect with my feelings. I learned my old music was helping to reinforce the lies I was telling myself. It was negative, the exact opposite of uplifting, and it kept me down in my pit of despair. My moment of enlightenment came one day when I was scanning through radio stations and came across 91.9 Word FM. I had an overwhelming feeling of ?this is it?. Every hair stood on end and I just wept. I wiped the music slate clean and threw away all that music, literally, because I erased my iPod clean that day. My new music helps me realize that God DOES still love me and I CAN change my life. By being more positive and not always looking at the negative points of my life. I could do it one day at a time, one step at a time, with God?s help. As my new music collection grows, I noticed songs I had in my old collection. I think He was knocking, trying to get my attention. I even found a Bible to load on my iPod. My childhood and self-understanding were stolen from me, but I am healing from the effects of the loss. I AM a survivor! I truly believe in my heart that I wouldn?t be up here sharing my story if not for the Christian counseling and the support I am getting from my parents and sister. THANK YOU for being good Christian role models for me ? not judging me, just loving me and helping me. I am grateful for everyone who is so supportive. MY LIFE AFTER: I?m still counseling and don?t know how long it will continue. Only God knows when that will be. But I know I will do my part, keep trying and move on to a better life in Jesus. I still have legal issues to deal with as a result of my actions, and I still hope God?s plan leads me back to my family. I know with God?s help, I will make it through no matter what the outcome. MY MESSAGE TO YOU & OTHERS: You or someone you know may be running from something that happened in their past, or something happening now ? doing anything to avoid dealing with the issue. Don?t be afraid to talk to someone, to reach out. Don?t believe the threats ? talk to someone you trust. It?s not your fault and there is hope and a way out. Just because you were abused, doesn?t mean you will become an abuser. There?s no reason to hate yourself. I can?t bring my abuser to justice, but I hope I can help someone else. Getting help NOW can break the cycle ? and may mean one less victim. One less victim of the lies you tell yourself to try and protect yourself from people you thought you could trust. It?s never too late to set your life on the right course. That course is the one that leads to Jesus; He can help you understand that you?re not the person you think you are. He will always love you. VERSE

 

kelly fox wrote:

I'm battaling a husband thats addicted to porn and need advice.I can't help but wan't a husband that wants me vs porn.I want to be in love again and have that lust again.It's been 19 long years one 8 year old daughter.I'ts only time before she walks in on him i have plenty of times.I'ts time for me to prtect my daughter and find love again don't you think?

 

Anonymous wrote:

Wow. My story? Hmm, it's a long one to sum up in 2000 words, but I'll try. My battle with porn and masturbation began when I was ten years old. I was sexually abused which began a long path downward. I had no idea how to express myself and the cravings for love drove me to seek romance novels, then chat rooms, then porn and masturbation. While a lot of the world around me was telling me that it was okay and natural, shame and condemnation became my life. Everything was a secret and it remained one until I was 16. I believed that while God was loving, I was such a bad person that His love didn?t and couldn?t reach me. My addictions drove me to depression and suicide. If God couldn?t save me, who could? With impeccable timing, God spoke to me a week before my 17th birthday and showed me Jesus. He took my suicidal mentality away and gave me hope for a rich life without slavery to addiction. Freedom in Him. I began to get rid of everything I could that drove me closer to porn, masturbation, and the world?s view of sex. That meant getting rid of almost every book I had, deleting hundreds of songs from my Ipod, and avoiding TV like the plague. It meant asking Jesus what sex really was because my sexuality was so distorted and confusing. It meant asking Him for guidance in how to get help. It meant talking about my secrets for the first time in my life. I had told my friends a little before but this meant stepping out of my safety zone and speaking about my fears and feelings and not minimizing my addictions. It meant many nights of tears and repentance and turning off the computer when I was alone. It meant not going to certain movies with my friends and spending hours in my room because the living room contained the computer and the TV which was always on (Do you know how frustrating it is when you have to do homework on the computer, but you don?t want to hear Two and a Half Men on the TV and you?re scared to wait until 9 when it?s just you and the internet) I have messed up, screwed up, fallen, sinned, back slided, whatever you want to call it. I have weeped at my failures and have hid my face from Christ. But he always gives me hope. Hope that I am free in Him. Sometimes it takes turning off the TV (I watch it occasionally now) and sob to Jesus about all my temptations. It takes studying His Word so when temptation comes I remember that He never lets me be tempted beyond what I can bear and He gives us a way out (1 Cor 10:13). I remember that He?s been tempted in every way and he sympathizes with me (Hebrews 4:15). It gives me strength to know that Christ has been tempted in the same ways and didn?t give in because He lives in me. If He can overcome it, He can help me overcome it too. And every time I ?slip up?, He?s still there ready to take me back. Every time. He loves us with a love that drove Him to the cross. He loves even though we nailed Him there with our sin. He loves me even though my porn addiction cost His blood. And I have freedom. But only in Him. You can have it too.

 

 

Newman's Wife wrote:

9 months and 5 days ago I posted my story. After 31 years of marriage, God began to reveal to me my husband's sex addiction. He had been an addict for 40 years. Our entire marriage had been nothing but a lie! My life was shattered.,,,,but, the story doesn't end there! We are going to celebrate our 1 year wedding anniversary on November 5th. That is the day we stood before God on a mountain top and said our vows to each other. The day that we became "one" in the sight of God!~ You see, we had never been as the Bible says, "and the two shall be as one" because there had ALWAYS been a third person in our marriage. Today, by the healing power of Christ, our marriage is whole. There is still a third person in our marriage but this time it's Christ!!!! I can't even begin to tell you what the Lord has done for us. He brought to life the scripture that says, "I came to heal the broken hearted and to set the captive free". We just recently moved to a new town and I am the happiest I have ever been. I have a new home, (we closed on it Sept 16, which was exactly 1 year to the day my life blew apart) in a new city, with a new man. Isn't God good! How did we do it???? I loved him to completion as Christ asked me to do. God was always quick to remind me that if I was to be a reflection of Him, I had to forgive my husband. And he was willing to turn his ENTIRE body, mind and soul over to the Lord. I am in the beginning stages of starting a support group for women that have been hurt by their husband's sexual sin. There are so few places for a woman to go when she's desperate to find hope. Our new church is on fire and ready to support me. My husband has such a heart to work in men's ministry's and to have one that really deals with the heart of men's issues, not just eat pancakes! I'm telling you all this to let you know that it can be done! A marriage can be healed and an addict can be set free! We are living proof!!!! Addict, remember, the only power Satan has over you is the hidden truth! And spouse, remember, but for the grace of God, the addict could be you! May God richly bless each and every one of you! Newman's Wife!~

 

Anonymous wrote:

Many years ago I began my addiction to pornography. I've grown up as a pastor's kid and loved every minute of it, but with that comes responsibility... one I've failed at for too long. I hid my sin from everyone. I thought I could overcome it by myself. Then one year my youth group went on a trip to a youth conference in Hamilton, Alabama. One of the teen speakers talked about addictions. He said that its not hard to give up addictions. Once you truely encounter God, you begin to not want those things anymore. The reality of it is, we like the sin. We make it harder upon ourselves than it has to be. God's will and plan for our lives is PERFECT! He only wants the best for us, therefore how can we doubt him? That message really shook me! I layed down my addiction at the alter and have never been the same. Now that's not to say that it wasn't hard. It wasn't an immediate freedom. I had to work hard at it, reading my Bible, praying and seeking God daily! But the fight is well worth it! Now I have a love for my Savior unlike ever before. One that pornography could never replace. No longer am I bound to the ways of the devil, for I am free in Christ!

 

 

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