The LIES a Wife Believes Whose Husband is Addicted to Porn

The LIES........

  • It's my fault.
  • I am not enough for him.
  • I am not pretty enough.
  • I am not skinny enough.
  • I am too skinny.
  • I am inadequate.
  • I can fix my husband, I can change him.
  • If my husband would just start going to church, then I know he would no longer want to look at porn.
  • I need to know EVERY detail of his addiction.
  • I will NEVER get over this.
  • I can never respect my husband again.
  • I am so much better than him....I would NEVER do anything like this to hurt him like he has hurt me.
  • I must be crazy, he tells me that often.
  • It is okay if I go out and have an affair...it would be ALL his fault for what he did to me.
  • If I cry uncontrollably, get really angry, and threaten to leave him, he will never look at porn again.
  • I am alone.
  • I have to compete with porn...or at least try.
  • NOBODY knows what this is like.
  • My situation is hopeless.
  • Our marriage is one big fat lie.
  • It is okay to talk to another man about my problems with my husband.  He REALLY cares for me and is willing to listen.
  • He never really loved me.
  • Nothing good can come from my pain.
  • If I just leave him, I can feel normal and secure again.
  • I should have never married him.
  • I am his porn police....It's my new job since porn entered our marriage.  It is MY responsibility to control and help him to not see anything that would cause him to stumble  (like sales ads, magazines, newspapers, tv shows, movies, etc.)....I am only protecting my marriage.     
  • I have wounds that can never be healed.
  • If I make myself available sexually for him every day, all day, whenever he wants.....then his desire for porn will be broken.
  • I will never be able to trust again.
  • To forgive him means I have to allow him to continue to destroy our marriage and family with his choices.
  • His secret has to be my secret.  What would others think? 
  • I just need to watch porn with him.
  • My pain is God's fault.  He could have protected me.....I can't trust Him.
  • Divorce is the ONLY answer.
  • My husband's sins are so much worse than mine..
  • I can handle this on my own.  I don't need any help.
  • If God would just fix my husband, life would be perfect.
  • If I just love him more, he will change.
  • I will forgive him but I will NEVER forget or allow myself to quit thinking about what he has done to me....if I do, that means he got by with the horrible pain he has caused me.
  • I will guard my heart and never allow him to hurt me again....that is my only choice.
  • He is having a bad day....I am sure that means he is viewing porn AGAIN.
  • He does not need to be accountable to anyone but me...that's what he says and so I guess I should agree to that.
  • Once an addict always an addict.
  • He HAS to completely understand what he has done to my heart before we can move forward.
  • What Lies are you believing??.........................

When we have been traumatized by our husband's addiction to porn, our thinking can become so darkened.  There are SO many lies that we begin to believe about our husbands and ourselves that need to be brought to light.  For every lie, there is TRUTH and TRUTH is what we need to seek after, think about, and take hold of.  Even though my husband is now walking in freedom, I still struggle with some of the lies.  It's a process that takes time. The enemy is out to kill, steal, and destroy and he will use lies to do just that.  What we believe is so powerful.  As the Lord exposes each lie to us, we step closer to our freedom.  It's not enough for our husbands to experience freedom, but we must also choose to be free from the chains that have held us captive.  Our victory comes from loving and seeking Jesus MORE.  Our relationship with HIM is what we need to focus on.  We must dethrone our husbands and allow Jesus to be at the center of our lives.  It is necessary that we allow HIM to transform our minds and heal our hearts no matter what our husbands choose to do.  We can be made whole.  God will take our ashes and create beauty as we allow Him to change US, reveal TRUTH to us and create in US a heart like His. Go ahead, precious one....Be free from the lies that torment you and find peace, God's peace which surpasses all understanding! 

 

 




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