Porn: The Intimacy Killer

May 17, 2014
Dan Wobschall


There are few words that can bring men’s conversations to a grinding halt. Intimacy is one of them. Speak the word, intimate, in the setting of a man-to-man talk and hear the deafening silence.

If this conversation makes you a tad uncomfortable, that's probably a good thing. Intimacy and pornography are diametrically opposed to one another. The two are mutually exclusive. Like light and dark. They can’t occupy the same space. 

Ok, the point is this. Fact: Viewing of pornography kills the intimacy you have with your wife.  If you’re having intimate (sexual that is) outside of the bonds of marriage, you need to revisit God’s design for relationships. Marriage, then sex. 

Evidence
How do I know this to be fact? My personal experience, which I’ll address shortly, and this article from Resurgence is another solid piece of evidence.  http://theresurgence.com/2011/11/19/7-negative-effects-of-porn, Journalist http://www.amazon.com/Pamela-Paul/e/B001H9Q502/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_pop_1 Pamela Paul writes: “pornography gives men the false impression that sex and pleasure are entirely divorced from relationships.”  

The Resurgence article accurately states: “Sex becomes self serving. It becomes about your pleasure and not the self-giving, mutually reciprocating intimacy that it was designed for.”

Pornography has profound effects on the brain. There is a plethora of scientific reports that demonstrate that. My own experience confirms everything I've read on porn’s addictive power and dangers. 

As I recovered from my porn addiction, I struggled to sexually reconnect with my wife. I would literally get sick to my stomach after physical intimacy. I did not makes sense to me and I hated feeling that way. I struggled to understand what was wrong with me. It was certainly not my wife's issue.  

I was begging God for an answer. 

Answer revealed
The answer was revealed to me in a teaching by Matt Chandler called “The Mingling of Souls”. I highly recommend it. What I discovered was, I was not seeing my wife intimately as God designed. I was still viewing my wife as an object, and therefore a reminder of my addiction, which repulsed me.

Matt taught from Song of Solomon (or Songs). It spoke truth into my heart and soul.  Song of Solomon 4:3-7 Your lips are like a scarlet thread, and your mouth is lovely. Your cheeks are like halves of a pomegranate behind your veil….” (read entirely) The intimacy veil was removed from my eyes. God re-revealed her spiritual and physical beauty to my heart and soul. 

Overnight, yes overnight, how I viewed my wife changed. A depth of passion for her like I’d never felt was ignited. God removed the warped world view of intimacy and replaced it with a Christ centered view of intimacy. 


I now understand Intimacy in a way I did not think possible. There is not a more beautiful woman, inside and out, on planet earth. 

Restore the intimacy in your marriage by putting porn to death and seeking God for clarity of mind. Your wife is wonderfully made by Father God. Intimately love her, care for and nurture her as God calls us to. 


God created intimacy and sex. Who are we to think we know better than He, how to handle them. 




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